Honorable Mentors

Why and How to pursue great people

For most of my life, I’ve wanted a mentor—someone wiser, more experienced, and willing to invest in me. I’ve looked for that kind of relationship in teachers, pastors, older friends, and colleagues, but for one reason or another, it’s never really stuck. Either life got in the way, our paths diverged, or the relationship never deepened into something truly formative. At times, I’ve wondered if I was doing something wrong— should I or should I not ask outright? How much of a commitment am I signing up for/ asking of someone else? Is mentorship something that just naturally happens for other people but not for me?

This article isn’t written from the perspective of someone who has figured it out. It’s more like a study I’m doing for myself—an exploration of why having great people in our lives matters and how to actually pursue them. If I’m not going to stumble into the perfect mentor by accident, then maybe it’s time to get intentional about learning from those ahead of me.

Throughout history, wisdom has been passed down through relationships—apprentices to masters, students to teachers, disciples to mentors. The Bible, Stoicism, and modern psychology all emphasize the power of surrounding yourself with the right people. Science tells us that our brains are wired to imitate those around us. Philosophy teaches us to seek out sages to emulate. Scripture warns us that we become like the company we keep.

So, if I want to grow, the question isn’t just what I need to learn, but who I need to learn from. How do I find and pursue great people? And if I can’t find them in person, how do I absorb their wisdom from a distance? Those are the questions I want to explore today on Wisdom Now: Why and How.

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Why

… It’s Crucial to Surround Yourself with Great People

If you want to grow in wisdom, character, or skill, it seems like the fastest way to do it is to surround yourself with people who are ahead of you. When researching these articles I like to look at three key sources: Scripture, Stoic Philosophy, and Modern Psychological Research. I’ve found that “pursue great people” isn’t just motivational advice—it’s a psychological, philosophical, and biblical reality. Who we spend time with shapes our thinking, habits, and even our identity.

1. Psychological & Neurological Evidence

• Mirror Neurons & Social Learning

Our brains are wired to imitate. The mirror neuron system, discovered in the 1990s, shows that we subconsciously adopt the behaviors, emotions, and attitudes of those we observe. This means that just being around wise, disciplined, or virtuous people makes us more likely to develop those qualities ourselves.

• The Influence of Social Networks

Studies in social psychology confirm that our habits and worldviews are largely influenced by the people closest to us. In Connected: The Surprising Power of Our Social Networks, researchers Christakis and Fowler found that even things like obesity, happiness, and voting behavior spread through social circles in ways we often don’t realize. If we spend time with people who are constantly growing, we will be pulled in that direction. If we’re surrounded by apathy, negativity, or unwise influences, the same effect occurs.

• Neuroplasticity & the Power of Role Models

The brain’s ability to rewire itself (neuroplasticity) means that long-term exposure to great role models can reshape how we think, react, and make decisions. This is why mentorship is so powerful—it provides repeated exposure to a way of thinking and living that can fundamentally alter our own patterns.

2. Stoic Insights on Learning from the Wise

The Stoics took this principle seriously. They believed that wisdom isn’t something we figure out in isolation but something we gain through imitation and reflection.

• Seneca on Choosing Role Models

Seneca advised his students to consciously choose someone to emulate:

“Choose someone whose way of life as well as words, and whose very face as mirroring the character he has formed for himself, have won your approval.” (Letters to Lucilius, 6.5)

Instead of passively absorbing the habits of random people around us, he argued that we should be intentional about who influences us.

• Marcus Aurelius’ Personal Study of Role Models

In Meditations, Marcus Aurelius begins by listing the virtues he admired in the people who shaped him—his father’s integrity, his teacher’s patience, his mentor’s self-control. This wasn’t just a sentimental exercise; it was his way of deliberately internalizing their qualities.

• Epictetus on the Danger of Bad Company

The Stoics were also clear about the dangers of surrounding yourself with the wrong people. Epictetus warned, “If a man associates with those who are dirty, either in body or mind, their grime will rub off on him.” (Discourses, III.16)

No one is immune to influence. If we don’t intentionally pursue wise, disciplined, and virtuous people, we will be shaped by whoever happens to be around us instead.

3. Biblical Wisdom on the Company We Keep

The Bible is filled with direct teachings about how our relationships affect us, and it repeatedly emphasizes that wisdom is something pursued in community.

• Proverbs & the Power of Association

• “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” (Proverbs 13:20)

• “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” (Proverbs 27:17)

Wisdom isn’t just about personal study—it’s about exposure to people who refine us.

• Paul on Imitation & Mentorship

• “Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ.” (1 Corinthians 11:1)

• “What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.” (Philippians 4:9)

Paul understood that faith and character are best taught by example, not just by instruction. He repeatedly told his followers to imitate his way of life, just as he imitated Christ.

• Jesus and Discipleship as a Model for Growth

Jesus didn’t just teach wisdom—He lived it in front of His disciples. He invited them to follow Him, eat with Him, and watch Him handle real-life situations. He knew that transformation happens through relationship. This is the ultimate model for mentorship: wisdom is best learned through direct exposure, not just through books or ideas.

Why should we seek out great people? Because our past experiences and struggles make it necessary. No one had a perfect upbringing—wounds and shortcomings are part of life. The key is choosing to address them in a healthy way. God often works through others to bring healing and restoration.

The research is undeniable. The philosophy is timeless. The Bible is emphatic. Who we spend time with in person and even indirectlyshapes us, often more than we realize. If we want to become wiser, stronger, or more virtuous, we need to surround ourselves with people who are already walking that path. The next question, then, is how to do this—how to pursue great people in a way that actually leads to growth. That’s what we’ll explore next.

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How

…To Make It Happen

Recognizing the need for wise, virtuous people in our lives is one thing—actually finding and learning from them is another. Great people don’t just appear; they must be sought out with intention. If we want to grow, we need a strategy for surrounding ourselves with the right influences. Here are 5 tips to get you started:

1. Identify Who You Want to Learn From

The first step is to define what “greatness” looks like to you. Who do you admire? What qualities do you want to develop? Instead of waiting for the perfect mentor to appear, take an active role in choosing your influences.

Think of four or five people—past or present—who embody the wisdom, discipline, or character you want to cultivate and write them down. These can be historical figures, spiritual leaders, authors, fictional characters you admire, or people in your own life.

2. Study Their Lives

If they are historical or distant, read their biographies, listen to their talks, or analyze how they made decisions. If they are personal connections, pay attention to how they live and handle challenges.

Marcus Aurelius did this in Meditations, listing the traits he admired in those who influenced him. We can do the same by journaling on this topic. It’s a great way to really process and solidify your intentions and values.

Seneca, C.S. Lewis, and countless other wise figures left behind letters and writings that allow us to learn from them even centuries later.

Many of the world’s best thinkers have shared their insights through interviews, talks, and lectures—use these as a way to absorb their wisdom.

3. Don’t be afraid to Ask for Guidance

Many people hesitate to ask for mentorship, assuming they’ll be a burden. But most wise individuals are happy to share what they’ve learned if you express a genuine desire to grow. This doesn’t have to be formal—sometimes, just asking good questions over coffee can lead to valuable mentorship.

Remember to look in the right places. Wise people are usually found where wisdom is valued. Look in faith communities, professional circles, or groups dedicated to personal growth.

4. Become Someone Worth Pursuing

One of the best ways to attract wise and great people is to live in a way that draws them toward you.

Practice humility and teachability. People who have wisdom are more likely to invest in those who are eager to learn and open to correction.

Pursue excellence in your own life; growth attracts growth. The more disciplined, wise, and intentional you become, the more likely you are to connect with others on the same path.

5. Invest in Others

As you learn and grow, look for ways to pass on wisdom to those who are behind you. Teaching solidifies your own learning and creates a cycle of growth. A great goal would be to maintain mentor, peer, and disciple relationships. All three: a Paul to learn from, a Barnabas to share with, and a Timothy to help grow.

My biggest takeaway from writing this article is that great people won’t just show up in your life—you have to seek them out. It might feel like there’s never enough time to do this, but I found that there’s always room in your schedule for what you prioritize. Just make the time. Throughout this whole process, don’t forget to pray earnestly for God‘s guidance. The pursuit of wisdom is lifelong, but the journey itself transforms us.

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Reflection

Throughout this article I’ve already prompted journaling and reflection a couple times, but to keep my typical article structure, I’ll compile some good reflection questions here.

• Who are the five people you spend the most time with? How are they influencing your thinking, habits, and character?

• If you could become more like one person—living or dead—who would it be? Why?

• Are there wise, disciplined, or virtuous people in your life whom you could learn from? Have you ever asked them for guidance?

• If you don’t have direct access to great mentors, how can you learn from role models through books, speeches, or history?

• What qualities do you want to cultivate in your own life? Who is already living those out?

• Are you becoming the kind of person that wise and great people would want to invest in?

Now, consider one practical step you can take this week:

• Reach out to someone you admire and ask for a conversation.

• Start reading a biography of someone whose life inspires you.

• Make a list of the traits you want to develop and find a role model for each.

Ok, I’m done. Thanks for reading! If you made it this far, comment “mentor, I hardly know her” or not.

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Sources:

[1] The importance of mentorship in higher education: An introduction to ... https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/15236803.2023.2260947

[2] Mirror Neurons: A Powerful Learning Tool - Betty Okino https://www.bettyokino.com/post/mirror-neurons-a-powerful-learning-tool

[3] New NIH-Supported Study Characterizes Social Networks of Family ... https://www.nih.gov/news-events/news-releases/new-nih-supported-study-characterizes-social-networks-family-friends-influencing-obesity

[4] Mirror Thinking: How Role Models Make Us Human ... - dokumen.pub https://dokumen.pub/mirror-thinking-how-role-models-make-ushuman-9781472975775-9781472975805-9781472975812.html

[5] Does Mentoring Matter? A Multidisciplinary Meta-Analysis ... https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2352144/

[6] Mirror Neurons in Volleyball: The Missing Piece of the Coaching ... https://www.volleyballhubpro.com/mirror-neurons-in-volleyball-the-missing-piece-of-the-coaching-puzzle/

[7] The Surprising Power of Our Social Networks and How They Shape ... https://positivepsychologynews.com/news/derrick-carpenter/2010042810799

[8] The role of the positive emotional attractor in vision and shared vision https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2015.00670/full

[9] Mentoring Impact. Connect with a Young Person - Mentoring.org https://www.mentoring.org/mentoring-impact/

[10] Mirror neurons: Enigma of the metaphysical modular brain - PMC https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3510904/

[11] https://messagenotes.livingontheedge.org/Good-To-Great-In-Gods-Eyes.pdf