Why…

…obligation and submission are actually good things

Obligation, right off the bat, has sort of a negative connotation, because it implies doing something you don’t really want to do. But if we mean to take up our cross daily to follow in Christ’s footsteps, this sort of thing should not be unfamiliar to us. Taking on extra responsibility, sacrificing one’s convenience, giving when it’s hard, and serving instead of seeking leadership are hallmarks of true Christlikeness. Nonetheless, when it comes time to dig in deep in a small group setting, I think people are too often scared to commit. Subconsciously or otherwise, people know that letting people in to your life and being let in to theirs in return comes with a real amount of obligation. You become that person’s phone call in time of need, you are the listening ear when they need to rant or process, and you are the person who is responsible to call them up to better when you know they aren’t living up to who they could and should be. That is a level of time and attention that is hard to spare when just paying the bills and keeping your head above the waters of depression is daunting enough. The benefits of such an obligation are hard to see and even harder to agree to. But I encourage you to take on that responsibility and I’ll tell you why.

First of all, you can always do more than you think. If you cut out all the mindless scrolling, imagine how much time and mental energy you’d free up to just call somebody. Secondly, there are just not a lot of things that will teach you as much about humility, service, love, and humanity as being obligated to others in a church setting. Thirdly, if more people took on the responsibility of lovingly calling people on their bull crap, I think many churches would be in a much healthier place. (Think of Shawn Bolz and others who have been enabled to hurt many people inside the church). I could see how this could go too far, and maybe I’m projecting because I have a hard time with confrontation naturally, but I totally think it’s presently too far on the other side of that line at the moment.

If your ideal church involvement looks like just slipping in and out of a service on Sunday and maybe saying a brief hello to a couple people, then you’re missing out on the biggest blessing and lessons this life has to offer. Christ ordained the church as an important institution in our lives and it wasn’t just so we could get emotional singing together or to hear a sermon. It was so we could engage in community, hold each other responsible, bring meals to the unfortunate, support each other in hardship, and learn how to lead a life that isn’t about yourself.

Ok. Nice, let’s talk about submission. Whenever that word comes up in a Christian setting, I find myself glancing at the women to see how they react. It can often be seen as something bad and for good reason. For centuries, women have been forced into the backseat of life due to what I think is faulty and harmful theology. I’ve written before in this series about complimentarianism and egalitarianism, so I won’t belabor the point. Basically in Ephesians 5 and elsewhere, wives are called to submit to their husbands and husbands are called to love their wives. There’s a lot more to those verses so check out my post Spiritual Headship for a deeper dive. Ultimately I think the proper interpretation of these passages are that they are paired thoughts, like a couplet, that both run in either direction. That is to say that husbands are just as much called to submit to their wives and wives are equally called to love their husbands. There is humility and compassion in both acts, neither of which should be more oriented to one specific gender or role. Submission is a good thing, most of all because we need to submit to God. The better we get at submitting to our spouses, the better we honor God with our submission to him.

How…

… to put it into practice.

Both of these word studies can boil down to one thing: “It’s not about you.” My high school Bible teacher would often answer a theological question with “get over yourself.” Although, it’s admittedly somewhat snide, I’ve found that it truly is a solution to many of life’s problems.

So that’s tip #1 in making it practical- remind yourself that your life isn’t about you.

#2 Ask yourself, “Where am I currently avoiding obligation and submission? Most of us don’t reject these ideas outright—we just keep them theoretical. Application here means choosing inconvenience on purpose.

#3 Choose one relationship to deepen. Obligation grows best in proximity. Instead of vague intentions to be “more involved,” identify one person or family you’re willing to truly show up for. Text them. Call them. Ask real questions. Let it cost you something.

#4 Practice submission in low-stakes situations first. Submission doesn’t start with dramatic sacrifices—it starts with letting someone else’s needs, preferences, or ideas take priority. Let your spouse decide. Defer in a conversation. Resist the urge to be right. These small acts train the muscle.

#5 Make yourself interruptible. If your life has no margin for other people, that’s not wisdom—it’s self-protection (or self-centeredness) pretending to be responsibility. Consider what boundaries are genuinely necessary and which ones are simply comfortable. Love often looks like disruption.

#6 Invite accountability before you need correction. True obligation means giving someone permission to speak into your blind spots. Ask a trusted friend: “If you saw something unhealthy in me, would you tell me?” Then mean it.

Lastly, Remember who submitted first. Christian submission is never rooted in fear or powerlessness—it’s rooted in Christ, who “did not consider equality with God something to be grasped.” This is significantly counter cultural in our present world of chasing the bag, independence, and personalized everything. it will make you stand out when you willingly humble yourself and put others first. Submission should be something you’re forced to do, but something you commit to doing, even when it’s uncomfortable. When submission feels humiliating or costly, that may be precisely the point.

Ok, I’m done. Thanks for reading! See ya next time!

Side note: Previous installments of this series were highly structured, but this year instead of outlines and bullet points I want to try writing more conversationally.

Ok, that’s enough preamble- let’s get to today’s topic.

Today I’d like to explore the ever increasing usage of “Therapy Language”, Why it has pros and cons, and How to wield it in a healthy way.

If you’ve been paying attention to our culture, or even just listened to a podcast and heard an ad for Better Help, I think you’d agree that the amount of people in therapy in this country is higher than ever. This is a significantly good thing. A few decades ago, the standard way of dealing with your baggage was not to. The familial cycles of abuse, anxiety, and much more were rarely broken and with much difficulty. Thankfully, working through trauma and/or behavior and relationship issues with a trained counselor has been greatly de-stigmatized to a point where nearly a quarter of adults are in therapy. More people than ever are being listened to, processing their own experiences, healing and equipping themselves to have difficult conversations and do better in the future. All good things!

In the broader medical world there is a phenomenon called the Rumplestiltskin Effect:

“In medicine, the act of naming a condition often changes how a person sees their own experiences. The authors suggest that diagnosis serves several overlapping functions. First, it provides a clinical lens through which previously confusing or stigmatized experiences can be reinterpreted. Second, it resolves ambiguity by organizing scattered symptoms into a coherent story. Third, it can create a sense of connection by linking patients with support groups or communities of others who share the diagnosis. Finally, diagnosis can evoke psychological effects similar to those seen in placebo treatments, such as relief, hope, and expectancy of care.”

- Eric W. Dolan (from the article linked above)

It’s clear that a huge benefit of therapy is often just being able to develop a vocabulary you can use to describe your mental processes and interactions.

Butt! There is a downside worth mentioning- when people over diagnose normal human life and absolve themselves from responsibility because of it. Being able to have names for the complicated things of one’s inner world has huge benefits. I learned a lot about how to talk about my motivations and emotions through studying the enneagram, but ask anyone who’s into it what the biggest negative of the enneagram is and they’ll probably say how people use it as an excuse to behave poorly or to not work on themselves to improve their natural shortcomings (obviously not the correct way to interact with the wisdom of the enneagram).

Basically, it’s good to understand the reasons you are the way you are, but not to let those reasons become excuses for being a jerk.

I’m reminded of a quote from a great book I just finished-

“A society cannot make a man a monster, Diago. But it can give him the excuse to become one."

-James Islington, The Strength of the Few

What’s worse is when people use words from therapy to manipulate others - Accusing people of gaslighting or calling situations traumatic when they are just example examples of normal human conflict. When a relationship has a difficult moment, the proper response should not be to call that person toxic and cut them out of your life. It should be to practice humility and Christ likeness by extending forgiveness, patience, and selflessness to a degree that our culture frankly looks down on. Jesus was all about loving your enemies and practicing reconciliation with those who have hurt you. of course, there is a healthy limit to this, but I think the line should be drawn a lot further than where pop culture would have us draw it.

And don’t get me started on guys who go to therapy just to tell girls that they’re in therapy.

OK, I think I’m done. Let me know what I got right, I’m sure I got some stuff wrong too so let me know that as well. Thanks for reading!

“Joy is the serious business of Heaven”

-C.S. Lewis

I was reminded of this quote recently while watching my Lewis climb around on some pillows. His laughter was pure, unfiltered delight—no worries about tomorrow’s to-do list or yesterday’s mistakes. For a moment, I joined him, and the world felt lighter. The Bible tells us in Ecclesiastes 3:4 there’s “a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.” Yet how often do we truly savor life’s great moments? Too often, I find myself rushing through them, distracted by work or worry. Are you deeply enjoying your life? In this installment of Wisdom Now: Why and How, we’ll explore why enjoying great moments is vital and how to do it, drawing from Stoic wisdom, biblical truth, and modern psychology.

Why

…Is It So Important to Enjoy Great Moments?

Great moments—whether a shared meal, a quiet sunset, or a child’s giggle—are gifts from God, little glimpses of eternity woven into our daily lives. Here’s why pausing to savor them matters:

• It Reminds Us of God’s Goodness. Psalm 84:11 declares, “No good thing does [the Lord] withhold from those whose walk is blameless.” Every joyful moment is a testament to God’s generosity, a reminder that He delights in our happiness. Ecclesiastes 5:19-20 reinforces this, noting that enjoying life’s blessings is a divine gift that fills our hearts with gladness.

• It Sustains Us in Adversity. Nehemiah 8:10 famously says, “The joy of the Lord is your strength.” When trials come, the memory of joyful moments acts like an anchor, grounding us in hope. Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius echoed this, urging us to “dwell on the beauty of life” to fortify our resilience.

• It Honors God as the Source of Joy. James 1:17 reminds us that “every good and perfect gift is from above.” Savoring great moments isn’t selfish—it’s worship, acknowledging God as the giver of all joy.

• It Connects Our Hearts to Others. Think of Mary treasuring moments with Jesus in her heart (Luke 2:19) or Jesus eagerly sharing the Passover with His disciples (Luke 22:15). Joyful moments bond us to those we love, creating memories that endure.

• It Renews Us Holistically. Modern psychology supports this: joy boosts dopamine, reduces stress, and enhances well-being. Proverbs 17:22 adds, “A cheerful heart is good medicine,” renewing our bodies (through rest, like the Sabbath), hearts (through laughter), and souls (through connection with God).

Yet, as vital as joy is, many of us struggle to embrace it fully.

How

…Can You Learn to Fully Enjoy Great Moments?

Our fast-paced, distraction-filled world often robs us of joy. A distorted view of God (as a harsh taskmaster rather than a loving Father), a warped theology of pleasure (equating joy with sin), or unhealthy habits (like workaholism or perfectionism) can keep us from savoring great moments. Drawing from Stoic principles, biblical commands, and psychological insights, here are four practical steps to cultivate joy, inspired by your provided outline:

1. Slow Down: Ruthlessly Eliminate Hurry.
   Psalm 46:10 urges, “Be still, and know that I am God.” Hurry is the enemy of joy, scattering our attention. Stoic philosopher Seneca advised focusing on the present, noting that life’s richness lies in mindful awareness. Psychologically, slowing down activates the parasympathetic nervous system, fostering calm. Try this: Schedule an hour this week with no agenda—just be present with God, loved ones, or nature.

2. Slim Down: Do Less to Enjoy More.
   In Luke 10:41-42, Jesus gently told Martha that Mary chose “what is better” by prioritizing His presence over busyness. Modern psychology’s concept of “selective attention” teaches that focusing on fewer tasks enhances satisfaction. Evaluate your commitments: What can you cut to make room for joy? Say no to one obligation this month to say yes to a meaningful moment.

3. Sit Down: Live in the Now.
   1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 commands, “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances.” Stoics like Epictetus emphasized accepting the present moment without clinging to the past or future. Studies show mindfulness practices increase happiness by anchoring us in the “now.” At dinner tonight, put away your phone and savor the conversation or flavors fully.

4. Look Around: Celebrate God’s Blessings.
   Psalm 34:1-2 says, “I will extol the Lord at all times; his praise will always be on my lips.” Practicing gratitude rewires our brains, per neuroscientific research, amplifying joy. Each day, name three blessings—a kind word, a warm meal, a moment of peace—and thank God for them. As Ecclesiastes 3:13 reminds us, finding satisfaction in life’s simple gifts is God’s desire for us.

Reflection and Application

Great Christians don’t stumble into joy—they plan for it. Ecclesiastes 3:12-13 tells us there’s “nothing better for people than to be happy and do good while they live.” Jesus modeled this, feasting with friends and celebrating God’s goodness. Let’s follow His example.

Reflection Questions:

• What’s one great moment you’ve experienced recently? Why did it feel so meaningful?

• What keeps you from savoring great moments (e.g., busyness, guilt, distractions)?

• How might enjoying life’s joys deepen your relationship with God and others?

Application Prompts:

• This Week: Schedule a “joy moment”—a walk, a meal with loved ones, or quiet time with God. Protect it like an appointment.

• This Month: Identify one barrier to joy (e.g., workaholism, perfectionism). Take a small step to address it, like setting a work cutoff time or praying for a renewed view of God’s goodness.

• Ongoing: Start a “joy journal.” Each day, write one moment that brought you joy and thank God for it. Review it monthly to see His faithfulness.

The joy of the Lord is your strength. Let’s embrace it, not as a luxury, but as a divine calling. What’s one great moment you’ll savor today?

Ok, I’m done.

Thanks for reading! Share your thoughts in the comments or subscribe for more Wisdom Now insights.

sources:

For the last year or so, our son has woken up in the middle of the night nearly every night. I’m the one who gets up so that my wife, Hannah, can keep sleeping. I do it so she can recover from a day full of motherhood, regulate her blood pressure, and get the sleep she needs to show up in the world the way she wants. And now, with another baby on the way, it feels even more important, because she needs rest to stay healthy to grow a new life.

Serving in this way is one of those commitments that’s easier said than done, because let’s be honest: it’s really hard. Many nights, I’d rather roll over and let someone else—anyone else—handle it. I’d rather hold onto my sleep, my energy, my independence. And yet, I get up. Not because I have to, but because I love her. And this is just one way of sacrificing.

Real love isn’t just about feeling deeply for someone—it’s about what you’re willing to give up for them. Where there is great love, there will always be great sacrifice. And sacrifice is the clearest, most undeniable proof of love and devotion.

What have you sacrificed for what you love? Why does sacrifice matter? And how do we embrace it instead of resisting it? That’s our topic today on Wisdom Now: Why and How (with Ryan, wow!)

Why

… is sacrificial living so important?

To answer that question, we can look to how other admirable Christians have lived their lives. What motivates people to make great sacrifices? Especially those who give up their time, comfort, and even their lives for the sake of love, faith, or a higher calling?

For Christians, great sacrifices are born from an understanding of God’s love, His way of measuring devotion, His eternal promises, and His ownership of all things.

1. They Grasp God’s Unconditional Love

The greatest sacrifices come from the deepest gratitude. Those who recognize their own brokenness—who understand the weight of their sin and the depth of God’s mercy—respond with love and devotion. They know they owe everything to grace.

“You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;

you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.

My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit;

a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.”

—Psalm 51:16-17

“I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little.”

—Jesus (Luke 7:47)

A life of sacrifice isn’t driven by obligation—it’s fueled by love.

2. They Embrace God’s Relational Economy

God measures love and devotion not by the size of the gift, but by the size of the sacrifice. In His economy, the widow’s two small coins outweighed the riches of the wealthy.

”…This poor widow has put in more than all the others.”

—Jesus (Luke 21:3)

True sacrifice is not about how much we give, but how much we’re willing to give up.

3. They Trust God’s Eternal Goodness

Sacrifice is easier when we trust that what we gain is greater than what we lose. Sacrifice doesn’t earn salvation but it definitely affects your relationship with the material world, with yourself, and with God. Depending on him and leaning into a trust filled relationship with the Lord is a beautiful exchange for anything, even blessings from God, that you might want to hold on to. When you are prioritizing the good gifts from your father before a relationship with Him, you’ve got it backwards.

”…No one who has left home, or brothers, or sisters, or mother, or father, or children, or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age… and in the age to come eternal life.”

—Jesus (Mark 10:29-30)

Faithful sacrifice is never in vain.

4. They Recognize God’s Sovereign Ownership

In the end, sacrifice isn’t really giving—it’s returning. Everything we have, from our time to our talents to our very breath, belongs to God. When we give, we are simply offering back what is already His.

“But who am I, and who are my people, that we should be able to give as generously as this? Everything comes from You, and we have given You only what comes from Your hand.”

—David (1 Chronicles 29:14)

A life of sacrifice is not a burden, but a privilege. But sacrifice, isn’t just a spiritual ideal—it’s woven into the very fabric of how love and commitment work in our everyday lives. We see this not only in Scripture but also in psychology and philosophy.

In a culture that preaches self-fulfillment above all else, sacrifice can seem like a loss. We’re told to prioritize our own happiness, protect our time, and set boundaries so we don’t burn out. But the reality is, when we only serve ourselves, our lives become smaller.

Psychologists have found that the more we invest in something, the more committed we become to it. This is known as the Investment Model of Commitment (Rusbult, 1980)—when we give up something valuable for the sake of a relationship, our love doesn’t shrink; it deepens. Sacrifice isn’t just evidence of love—it’s what strengthens it.

This is true in marriages, friendships, families, and faith. If you only love when it’s convenient, that love will stay shallow. But when you pour time, energy, and even pain into something greater than yourself, it becomes part of you.

And in a self-centered world, that kind of selflessness is radical. When you sacrifice for your community, your family, and your faith, you push back against the cultural lie that your life is just about you. You become part of something bigger.

As Marcus Aurelius put it:

“What brings no benefit to the hive brings no benefit to the bee.”

A life lived only for yourself is a small life. But a life of sacrifice—of investing deeply in the things that matter—creates meaning, strengthens and deepens the love in your existing relationships, and benefits you and your community.

How

…to embrace a life of sacrificial love

Understanding the why behind great sacrifice is important, but how do we live it out? What does it look like to embrace a life of sacrificial love?

It starts with total surrender.

1. Surrender Your Whole Life to Christ

True sacrifice begins when we offer ourselves completely to God—not just parts of our lives, but everything. Paul calls us to be “a living and holy sacrifice” (Romans 12:1), fully devoted to God’s purposes.

Are you holding anything back? Your comfort, ambitions, security? Surrender isn’t about loss—it’s about trusting that God’s plan is better than our own.

2. Grow in Loving God with Your Whole Being

Jesus said the greatest commandment is to “love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength” (Mark 12:30). But what does that look like in daily life?

• Your Heart – What you sacrifice financially reveals what you truly treasure. Your bank statements and calendar are the clearest representations of your priorities.

• Your Mind – Renewing your mind in God’s Word shapes your thoughts and priorities. Sacrifice in this area might look like replacing doom scrolling and binge watching with reading, journaling, or calling a friend.

• Your Soul – Deep conversations with God and personal worship build intimacy with Him. Sacrifice your daily routine to God and prioritize time with him, even above sleep. Would you rather be abiding in the Spirit and tired, or going numbly through the motions while slightly less tired?

• Your Strength – Serving others in ministry is an outward expression of inner devotion. Strength can look different for everyone. How are you using your strengths for God and others?

Sacrificial love is never passive—it requires action.

Reflection & Application

If you haven’t sacrificed for something, can you truly say you love it?

Love is measured in what we are willing to give up. A relationship without sacrifice is shallow. A dream without sacrifice is just a wish. A faith without sacrifice is empty.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer, a pastor who gave his life resisting Nazi Germany, put it plainly: “When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die.” He knew that following Jesus meant laying down everything—his comfort, his safety, even his life. He understood that grace is free, but discipleship is costly.

So ask yourself: What have you sacrificed for God? If the answer is “not much”, what does that reveal about the depth of your devotion?

Reflection Questions

1. What comforts or ambitions have you sacrificed for God—or are you still clinging to them?

2. Would your bank statement, your calendar, and your energy levels show evidence of a sacrificial love for God?

3. If someone examined your life, what would they say is your highest love? Would your sacrifices confirm or contradict that?

4. Are you willing to ask God what He wants you to give up for His sake, and if so, will you obey?

5. How would your life look different if you embraced sacrifice as a privilege rather than a burden?

At the end of the day, sacrifice isn’t about loss—it’s about love. It’s about proving, with your life, what truly matters to you.

So the final question remains: What will your love cost you?

Ok, I’m done. Thank you for your time! If you made it this far, comment your favorite type of paint finish. Mine is matte.

SDG

Sources:

But that raises an interesting question: if faith and risk are so closely connected, is it possible to live a relatively comfortable life and still be walking by faith? Or am I mistaking trust in God for simply avoiding situations that genuinely stretch me?

When I look at the lives of people who made the biggest impact—biblical figures, historical leaders, even those I admire today—I see a common theme. They weren’t reckless, but they also didn’t tiptoe. They stepped boldly into the unknown, took action despite uncertainty, and embraced discomfort as the price of living fully. And because of that, they experienced the power of God, the thrill of adventure, and the kind of deep fulfillment that comes with real faith.

I don’t want to arrive at the end of my life realizing I never really lived. I don’t want to stand before God and see all the opportunities I avoided because I was afraid of failure, discomfort, or uncertainty. So, this article isn’t just for you—it’s for me. It’s an invitation, maybe even a challenge, to stop playing it safe and start living with faith-driven boldness.

So, why do we avoid risk? What does faith-filled risk actually look like? And how do we start taking bold steps without being reckless? That’s what we’re getting into in todays edition of Wisdom Now: Why and How!

Why

… Staying in Your Comfort Zone Is More Dangerous Than Taking Risks

"Every Christian's life is marked by windows of opportunity' that demand that they take a radical step of faith in order to follow Christ and fulfill His agenda for their life." -Chip Ingram

Hot take: risk feels dangerous.

It threatens our sense of security, exposes us to failure, and invites uncertainty. It’s far easier to stick with what’s familiar—where the outcomes are predictable, the challenges are manageable, and the stakes feel low. But what if the real danger isn’t in stepping out into the unknown, but in never stepping out at all?

We like to think of the comfort zone as a place of safety, but in reality, it’s more like a slow suffocation. It may protect us from immediate discomfort, but over time, it robs us of growth, purpose, and even faith itself.

The Bible makes it clear that faith isn’t about staying where it’s comfortable—it’s about stepping out when the path ahead is uncertain. Abraham left his homeland without knowing where he was going. Moses returned to Egypt despite his fears. David fought a giant no one else dared to face. These weren’t reckless acts; they were faith-filled risks.

Hebrews 11:6 says, “Without faith, it is impossible to please God.” And what is faith if not trusting God enough to move forward despite uncertainty? If our lives are designed to be built on faith, then avoiding risk isn’t just a neutral choice—it’s a direct obstacle to the kind of life God calls us to.

Real safety doesn’t come from familiarity; it comes from God. In the Parable of the Talents (Matthew 25:14-30), the servant who buried his talent thought he was playing it safe, but in reality, he was wasting what had been entrusted to him. His fear of failure led to actual failure.

That’s the irony of the comfort zone: it feels secure, but it quietly drains us of potential. Instead of growing, we stagnate. Instead of deepening our faith, we settle for what we can control. And eventually, we realize that the life we were trying to protect has passed us by.

Tim Keller once said, “There is no failure, only learning. The only way to fail is to not learn and not grow.” If that’s true, then the real danger isn’t in taking a bold step—it’s in refusing to move at all.

Chip Ingram captures the stakes of risk-averse faith perfectly:

Where there is no Faith, there is no power.

Where there is no Faith, there is no joy.

Where there is no Faith, there is no intimacy with God.

Where there is no Faith, there are no supernatural miracles.

Where there is no Faith, there is no reward.

Where there is no Faith, it is impossible to please God.

Where there is no Faith, there is hollow religious activity, moralistic rules, and dead orthodoxy

How

… to Step Into the Risk of Faith

“Ok, this is all well and good, but what do I actually do about it? How do I actually begin to take those steps?”

-You

Thanks for asking such a great and well timed question!

1. Refocus Your Fear

Fear is natural when faced with uncertainty, but that doesn’t make it a bad thing. There’s a difference between healthy caution and the crippling fear that keeps us paralyzed. The key is to reframe fear—not as something to avoid, but as something to embrace. What if, instead of fearing failure, we feared not stepping out in faith? True faith is built on a willingness to face fear, not let it rule us. When fear happens, embrace it as an opportunity to prove and display your bravery. Fear is a sign that you’re doing something meaningful, and God is inviting you to step into greatness.

2. Rejuvenate Your Faith

Faith isn’t passive; it’s active. It’s a muscle that must be exercised and strengthened through small steps before we’re ready to tackle the bigger challenges. Start by taking the “little risks”—the small moments when God is asking you to step out of your comfort zone. Many Christians are familiar with the somewhat uncomfortable realization that God is prompting them to do something outside of their normal M.O. I encourage you to commit to prayerfully following through on these promptings. It will help you build up the courage and momentum to accept bigger risks when God calls you to. Don’t start making excuses or explanations in your mind of how that was really just your own random thought instead of a divine suggestion. As we begin to see God’s faithfulness in the small things, our faith grows stronger, and we are equipped to take bigger risks in the future. Faith isn’t about waiting for the big leap; it’s about saying yes to the next step.

3. Recall God’s Faithfulness

One of the most powerful ways to overcome fear and reignite our faith is by remembering what God has already done. Look back on past risks you’ve taken, whether big or small, and remember how God came through for you. Reflect on stories from the Bible where God made impossible things happen through people willing to take risks. Noah built an ark before the rain ever came. Sarah laughed at the idea of having a child in her old age, but she trusted God’s promise. When we recall God’s faithfulness, we begin to see that the risks of faith aren’t about trusting in our own ability to succeed, but about trusting in God’s ability to work through us. He’s never failed us before, and He won’t start now. Journals are essential in this regard—not only as a tool to process in the moment but also as a written history of God’s faithfulness.

4. Surround Yourself with Risk-Takers

Taking risks for God isn’t something we’re meant to do alone. In fact, surrounding ourselves with people who are also living by faith can be one of the greatest encouragements to step out. The early church was marked by believers who took radical risks together, and this community strengthened their individual courage. Find people who inspire you with their bold faith. When you’re unsure or afraid, lean on them for support and guidance.

5. Step Out with Obedience, Not Perfection

It’s easy to wait for the “perfect moment” to take a risk—the perfect job opportunity, the perfect timing, the perfect clarity of what God is calling you to do. But often, the call to take a step of faith comes with more questions than answers. Don’t wait until you’re certain; step out in obedience, trusting that God will guide you as you go. God rarely provides all the answers upfront, but He is always with us as we step forward in faith.

Reflection and Application

As always, I encourage you to take the step towards really applying these ideas to your life. Just reading an article and forgetting about it by the next day won’t really make a difference. So if you have the time and ability, get out your journal and work out some personal answers to these questions. At the very least, have a specific, solid answer in mind.

1. What’s one area of your life where you feel stuck in your comfort zone?

• What fears are keeping you there? Are those fears actually protecting you, or are they holding you back?

2. When was the last time you took a step of faith that felt risky?

• What happened as a result? How did you see God’s faithfulness in that situation?

3. Is there something you feel God has been prompting you to do, but you’ve been hesitating?

• What’s stopping you? What would it look like to take the first small step?

4. How do you typically respond to fear?

• Do you avoid it, push through it, or reframe it as an opportunity to grow in courage and faith?

5. If you could fully trust that God would be with you no matter what, what bold step would you take?

• What’s one thing you can do this week to move toward that step?

6. How do you document or reflect on God’s faithfulness in your life?

• If you don’t already journal, pray, or have another practice, what habit could you start to help you remember His past faithfulness?

7. Who in your life encourages you to take faith-filled risks?

• Do you have a community of people who challenge and inspire you in this area? If not, how can you seek out those relationships?

8. If you continue making choices based on comfort and safety, where will you be in five years?

• Does that align with who you believe God is calling you to be?

Ok, I’m done. Thanks for reading! If you made it this far, tag you’re it.

Sources:

In this article, I drew a lot from Chip Ingram’s message on the topic:

I grew up in the Christian & Missionary Alliance tradition—a pretty straightforward evangelical experience. In my church, prayers were always extemporaneous, with the only exception being the Lord’s Prayer. That was just the norm, so I didn’t think much of it until I encountered other traditions. I still remember attending a Catholic confirmation service and, separately, hearing my Lutheran friend’s family say “Grace” before dinner. Both times, I noticed they were using pre-written prayers, and my gut reaction was, That’s weird. That doesn’t come from the heart.

Years later, after spending time in an Anglican church, I’ve come to deeply appreciate the beauty and tradition of liturgical prayers. That shift in perspective—moving from skepticism to appreciation—has made me think a lot about different approaches to prayer. So today on Wisdom Now: Why and How, I want to dig into different types of prayers, their strengths and weaknesses, and ultimately, Why and How to pray great prayers.

Why

… Pray Great Prayers?

Let’s be honest—prayer can become routine. Maybe you mumble a quick “Thanks for this day” before bed or rattle off a meal blessing that’s more muscle memory than conversation with God. For a lot of Christians (myself included), prayer can slowly drift into the background, becoming something we do out of habit rather than out of deep longing. And when that happens, we risk missing out on something truly transformative.

I want to talk about why it’s worth breaking out of surface-level prayer and moving toward something richer—whether that’s through the depth of traditional, time-tested prayers or the raw honesty of deeply personal ones.

1. The Value of Traditional, Liturgical Prayers

I used to think pre-written prayers were impersonal, like reading someone else’s love letter to God instead of writing my own. I figured real prayer had to be spontaneous, straight from the heart. But the more I explored liturgical traditions, the more I realized how wrong I was. A comparison I heard recently from Skye Jethani sums up my current thinking on this well: no one complains that the lyrics to worship songs are pre-written—so why do some hesitate to embrace written prayers? If we can pour our hearts into singing words crafted by someone else, allowing them to shape our worship, why shouldn’t the same be true for prayers that have stood the test of time?

Such prayers—like those found in The Book of Common Prayer or the Liturgy of the Hours—aren’t lifeless words. They are the collected wisdom of centuries of believers who struggled, worshiped, repented, and rejoiced just like we do today. When we pray these prayers, we aren’t just speaking for ourselves—we’re joining the voices of millions of Christians before us.

More than that, structured prayers help when our own words fail us. There are seasons when prayer feels dry, or we don’t know what to say. In those moments, these prayers give us something to stand on. They remind us of truth when our emotions waver. They keep our focus on God’s character rather than just our immediate needs. And they root us in something bigger than ourselves—the global and historical Church.

2. The Power of Deeply Personal, Extemporaneous Prayers

On the flip side, prayer isn’t just about repeating words—it’s about relationship. Imagine if the only way you communicated with a loved one was by reading pre-written letters from hallmark. Beautiful? Maybe. Personal? Not so much.

Some of the most powerful prayers in Scripture were raw, unfiltered, and deeply personal. Think of Moses begging God to spare Israel, David pouring out his soul in the Psalms, or Jesus sweating blood in Gethsemane. These weren’t polished or poetic—they were real.

Personal prayer allows us to bring our true selves before God—the joys, the doubts, the frustrations, and the unspoken fears. It’s where we acknowledge our dependency on Him, where we wrestle with our faith, and where we surrender.

The problem is, many Christians never reach this level of intimacy in prayer because we settle for the quick and easy. We pray when it’s convenient, but we rarely sit in the quiet and actually seek God. And when we don’t cultivate that kind of depth, we miss out on some of the most profound experiences of faith.

So, why pray great prayers? Because God invites us to something deeper. He gives us the wisdom of the Church through structured prayers, the freedom of personal expression in extemporaneous prayers, and the promise that when we truly seek Him, He listens.

How

… to Pray Great Prayers

Now that we’ve talked about why it’s worth breaking out of surface-level prayer, let’s get into how to actually do it. The good news? There’s no single formula—prayer is both an art and a discipline. But if we want to develop a richer, deeper prayer life, we need to be intentional.

How to Incorporate Liturgical Prayers

If you’re not accustomed to praying written prayers, they might feel stiff or impersonal at first. But just like worship music, they give us language to express our faith, sometimes in ways we wouldn’t come up with on our own.

• Use a Prayer Book – Resources like The Book of Common Prayer offer time-tested prayers that can guide your devotional time.

• Memorize Foundational Prayers – The Lord’s Prayer (Matthew 6:9-13) is the perfect example of a structured prayer Jesus Himself gave us. Other examples include prayers from saints like St. Augustine.

• Pray the Psalms – The Psalms were the original prayer book of God’s people. They cover every human emotion—joy, grief, repentance, hope—and can shape our own prayers.

• Don’t Just Recite—Engage – Approach liturgical prayers not as empty rituals, but as meaningful words you step into. Read them slowly, reflect on their meaning, and let them guide your own personal thoughts and petitions.

How to Develop an Intimate and Passionate Prayer Life

While structured prayers are valuable, prayer is ultimately about relationship. We don’t just recite—we talk to God. And sometimes, that means raw, unfiltered honesty.

• Make Space for Silence – Deep prayer requires slowing down. Set aside quiet time to be still before God.

• Be Honest and Specific – Don’t just pray in vague generalities. Bring your real thoughts, fears, and struggles to God.

• Pray Scripture – Take a verse or passage and use it as a launching point for personal prayer.

• Keep a Prayer Journal – Writing out prayers can help you process your thoughts and see how God moves over time.

• Pray Throughout the Day – Prayer isn’t just for the morning or bedtime—it’s an ongoing conversation with God

Six Key Characteristics of Great Prayers (From Chip Ingram)

Whether written or spontaneous, great prayers share common characteristics:

1. They are deeply personal – Even when using structured prayers, make them your own. Let them shape your heart, not just your words.

2. They are birthed in brokenness– Great prayers come from a place of need and reliance on God, not just routine.

3. They champion God’s agenda – They aren’t just wish lists; they are the longings of someone who understands God’s agenda for his world

4. They take God seriously – They focus on His promises rather than just our problems.

5. They demand great Courage – Why? Because they are DANGEROUS! They boldly demand of God that He live up to His character. They dare to stand in the gap becoming the answer to the prayer if God wills it.

6. They ask the improbable, expect the impossible, and receive the unthinkable – Because of who God is, we can pray with confidence.

Application

Liturgical and personal prayers are not opposites; they are complementary. Structured prayers can shape our hearts and give us words when we struggle, while extemporaneous prayers keep our relationship with God alive and real. When we engage in both, we move beyond surface-level prayers into something truly transformative—prayer that is deeply personal, faith-filled, and in tune with God’s will. To this end, I encourage you to take some time, reflecting on the following prompts and trying to apply these insights to your life.

1. What are your current prayer habits? Do you tend to rely more on spontaneous, personal prayers, or do you find comfort in structured, liturgical prayers? How might incorporating both bring greater depth to your spiritual life?

2. Have you ever tried using liturgical prayers? If not, what hesitations do you have? How might using resources like The Book of Common Prayer or praying through a Psalm help shape your heart and deepen your connection with God?

3. Do your personal prayers feel meaningful and honest, or do they sometimes feel repetitive and surface-level? What might help you engage in more raw, intimate conversations with God? Have you considered journaling your prayers or praying out loud?

4. How can Scripture shape your prayers? Have you ever taken a passage like Psalm 23 or the Lord’s Prayer and personalized it? How might praying through Scripture help align your heart with God’s will?

5. What would it look like to establish a daily rhythm of prayer? Are there natural moments in your day—such as mornings, mealtimes, or bedtime—where you could set aside time for intentional prayer? How can you create a habit of consistent, meaningful prayer without making it feel like just another task?

6. Are you praying bold prayers? Do your prayers reflect deep faith in God’s power and promises, or do they tend to stay safe and small? What’s one bold, faith-filled prayer you can start praying today?

Ok, I’m done. Thanks for reading! If you made it this far, I will give you one dollar if you find me in real life.

SDG

That’s why I believe having a family motto—something simple yet meaningful—can help keep our values at the forefront of our lives. For my family, I created an acronym using our last name, Parmenter, as a way to articulate the principles we want to live by. 1 While a shorter last name might make this practice even more memorable, the real power isn’t in the letters themselves but in the intentionality behind them.

Parmenter Motto

P - Prayerful: We respond to all situations, good or bad, with prayer first, seeking God's guidance and wisdom.

A - Accountable: We take responsibility for our actions and choices, honor commitments, and strive to grow.

R - Resilient: We do hard things and remain steadfast and strong in the face of challenges, trusting God to bring us through.

M - Merciful: We show compassion and forgiveness, especially when we don’t want to, because God forgave us first.

E - Ethical: We uphold honesty, integrity, and righteousness in all areas of our lives, even when no one would know.

N - Nurturing: We encourage and support one another, caring for our outcast and needy neighbors.

T - Thankful: We express gratitude daily for God's blessings and the people in our lives.

E - Empowered: We act with confidence and strength, trusting in our ability to figure things out and our identity in Christ.

R - Rejoicing: We find joy and praise God, no matter the circumstances, being a light in others’ lives.2

If you were to create an acronym for your family, what words would you choose? What virtues, habits, and principles do you want to define your home? As you think through this, consider areas that many of us struggle with—like being fully present. I didn’t include it in our acronym, but I think something about being intentional with time, such as putting away phones when spending time together, would be a great addition. Maybe for your family, patience, generosity, or humility need to be front and center.

The goal isn’t perfection but direction. A family motto serves as a reminder of who we strive to be, keeping us anchored when life gets chaotic. So, take a few moments to reflect: What do you want your family to be known for? What values do you want to pass down? And how can you craft a simple, memorable way to keep those principles at the heart of your home?

SDG

to do IMPOSSIBLE things...

through IMPROBABLE people...

to IMPART exceeding grace...

to UNDESERVING recipients.

-Chip Ingram

I think the keyword here is impossible. If credit can be given to hard work, lots of money, extreme intelligence, or teamwork then it is not going to God. History shows that God chooses to partner with unlikely people to accomplish extraordinary things, not because they’re the most talented or powerful, but because they were willing dream impossible dreams that only God could make a reality. Too often we hold ourselves back because we feel unqualified. We fail to remember that some of the greatest things ever accomplished started with people who seemed completely unqualified. Moses was a fugitive with a speech problem, yet he led an entire nation to freedom. David was just a shepherd boy, yet he became a king. Paul actively persecuted Christians before becoming one of the most influential voices in the church.

But what does it actually mean to dream great dreams? A lot of people assume it means doing something huge—starting a movement, writing a bestselling book, or becoming a household name. But true greatness isn’t about size or fame. It’s about faithfulness. For one person, a great dream might be raising children with wisdom and love. For another, it might be creating something beautiful, leading with integrity, or serving a community in need.

At the same time, many of us wrestle with two big tensions:

1. How do I balance contentment with ambition? Can I be grateful for where I am without settling for less than I’m capable of?

2. What if I just don’t have a “big” dream? Does that mean I’m missing something?

The truth is, God invites us to dream, but He also shapes those dreams through time, struggle, and faith. Psychology, neurology, and even Stoic philosophy confirm what Scripture has always taught: we grow when we pursue something meaningful, stretch beyond our limitations, and trust in something greater than ourselves.

Today on Wisdom Now: Why and How, we’ll explore why God calls us to dream, how He develops those dreams in us, and how we can pursue them with bravery, wisdom, and trust.

Why

…Do Great Dreams Matter?

A lot of people dismiss the idea of dreaming big because they assume it only applies to those chasing grand, public achievements. Others claim they’re content with where they are—but if they’re honest, they’ve simply stopped expecting God to do anything beyond the ordinary in their lives.

True faithfulness isn’t about playing it safe. It’s about listening for God’s call and saying yes, even when it feels impossible.

Throughout Scripture, God doesn’t just invite people to follow Him—He calls them into something greater than they would have ever imagined for themselves. He told Abraham to leave everything familiar and step into the unknown. He called Peter out of the boat in the middle of a storm. He knocked Paul off his horse and rewrote the entire trajectory of his life.

God does the same thing today.

Yet too often, we talk ourselves out of dreaming before we even begin. We mistake caution for wisdom and low expectations for humility. We say things like:

• “I don’t have a big dream.”

• “I’m fine where I am.”

• “I’m just an ordinary person.”

But those statements are often rooted in fear, not faith. It’s easier to keep our sights low than to take the risk of believing God for something greater.

Balancing Contentment and Ambition

Does this mean we should chase every ambition that crosses our minds? Of course not. But it does mean we need to ask ourselves some hard questions:

1. Am I truly content, or just comfortable?

• Contentment is a posture of gratitude and trust in God’s timing.

• Complacency is staying put because it feels safe.

2. Have I confused humility with small thinking?

• True humility isn’t downplaying your potential—it’s recognizing that your abilities and opportunities come from God.

• The greatest acts of faith often start with ordinary people saying, “Lord, use me.”

3. If I knew failure wasn’t an option, what would I pursue?

• Fear of failure keeps many people from stepping out in faith.

• God’s dreams for us often require risk—because they force us to rely on Him.

Dreaming great dreams isn’t about personal success or recognition. It’s about faithfulness to God’s invitation. If He calls you to write a book, start a ministry, build a business, raise a family with deep wisdom, or mentor young people, then that’s the great dream you need to pursue.

The real question isn’t whether you have a great dream—it’s whether you’re willing to step into it.

Scripture isn’t the only place we see this call to dream beyond ourselves. Psychology and philosophy confirm that humans are wired for growth. Studies in neuroscience show that people who set challenging goals and push beyond their comfort zones experience greater resilience, motivation, and life satisfaction. Psychologists like Carol Dweck emphasize the power of a growth mindset—believing that abilities and intelligence can be developed through effort. Meanwhile, Stoic philosophers like Marcus Aurelius and Epictetus taught that greatness isn’t found in comfort but in embracing life’s challenges with courage and discipline.

When we refuse to dream, we aren’t just limiting what God can do—we’re resisting the very way we were designed to grow.

How

…Do We Step Into Great Dreams?

Understanding why we need to dream is one thing, but actually stepping into those dreams is another. The challenge isn’t just believing that God calls us to something greater—it’s having the courage to move forward, even when the path feels uncertain. Both Scripture and wisdom from psychology, Stoic philosophy, and Robert Greene’s work on mastery point us toward 7 practical steps for pursuing the dreams we were meant to fulfill.

1. Pay attention to what draws you in.

Many people struggle to dream because they’ve spent years ignoring the things that once inspired them. Robert Greene argues that each of us has a life’s task—a deep, intrinsic calling that aligns with our natural strengths and passions. But too often, we let practicality, fear, or societal expectations drown it out. Looking back at childhood interests is the first clue as to what this life’s task may be. The best example of this in my life is my dad. He spent many years in the corporate world but never quite felt fully satisfied. Eventually he found his way into remodeling/ building and realized it was what he had always been wanting to do. As a youth he would always want to go into construction sites and ask about what was being done. He always loved using tools and seeing the tangible results of his work. Now he works as a construction manager for Habitat for Humanity and gets to build homes for the needy in his community.

Beyond reconnecting with your childhood passions, paying attention to what careers spark envy, or noticing where we lose track of time (on something productive, probably not video games) can provide clues to what we’re meant to pursue. God often speaks through these quiet longings, nudging us toward something greater. The first step to stepping into a great dream is recognizing it in the first place.

2. Reframe fear as a necessary part of growth.

One of the biggest reasons people avoid dreaming big is fear—fear of failure, embarrassment, or stepping into the unknown. But modern psychology, neuroscience, and Stoicism all confirm what Scripture teaches: fear isn’t a stop sign; it’s a signpost pointing to growth. Studies on neuroplasticity show that discomfort and challenge actually rewire the brain, strengthening problem-solving skills and adaptability. Marcus Aurelius famously wrote, “The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.” The very thing you fear might be the path to transformation. Nearly every major figure in Scripture—Moses, Esther, Gideon—was afraid before stepping into their calling. Courage isn’t the absence of fear; it’s moving forward in spite of it. If your dream doesn’t scare you at least a little, it’s probably too small.

3. Accept that struggle and resistance are part of the process.

One of the greatest myths about stepping into your calling is that it should feel easy or that success should come quickly. Robert Greene teaches that frustration and resistance are necessary to mastery—people quit too soon because they mistake difficulty for failure when, in reality, it’s proof of growth. Similarly, the Stoic concept of amor fati—loving one’s fate—teaches us to embrace difficulty as fuel for growth. Instead of seeing obstacles as signs that you’re on the wrong path, recognize them as confirmations that you’re stretching beyond what’s comfortable and thereby gaining strength, experience, and resilience. God often refines us through difficulty, not around it.

4. Shift from outcome-focused thinking to process-focused thinking.

Too many people abandon their dreams because they don’t see immediate results. But faithfulness isn’t about overnight success—it’s about showing up consistently. In Jesus’ parable of the talents, the servants weren’t judged solely on their results but mainly on their intentions and effort, in other words-what they did with what they were given. Psychologists studying habit formation have found that small, consistent actions over time lead to massive long-term results. Stoicism teaches that we can’t control outcomes, only effort, discipline, and attitude. With all this in mind we can see that great dreams are built through daily faithfulness, not occasional inspiration. Instead of constantly asking, “Is this working?” ask, “Am I being faithful in this process?”

5. Surrender your money, future, and family to God.

One of the biggest mistakes people make in pursuing their dreams is believing they have to make everything happen on their own. The truth is, it’s not yours to control. God is the one who provides resources, opens doors, and determines outcomes. Your job is obedience, not orchestration. Jesus made it clear: “Whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it” (Matthew 16:25). Surrender isn’t passive—it’s active trust. You bring nothing to the table except your humility and willingness to be used. Treat your life, your location, your children, everything like a blank check for God to use. This might seem frightening, but remember: God can do more with your surrender than you can do with control.

6. Start with bite-sized dreams and build momentum.

If the idea of dreaming big feels overwhelming, start small. Set goals for your life, marriage, career, children, and ministry that stretch you just a little beyond what’s comfortable. Build habits that align with those dreams, and as you see progress, let that momentum fuel you to think even bigger. James Clear, in Atomic Habits, talks about the power of small wins—how tiny, consistent actions compound over time into major life changes. Spiritually, Jesus used the principle of faithfulness in small things leading to greater responsibility (Luke 16:10). Don’t wait for a massive vision to hit you all at once—start walking, and trust that God will reveal more as you go. God will steer the ship of your life, but you’ve got to get yourself moving in the first place.

7. Surround yourself with the right people.

God doesn’t call people to dream in isolation. Great dreams require community, challenge, and accountability. Nehemiah didn’t rebuild Jerusalem’s walls alone—he gathered and led a team. Psychology confirms that social support dramatically increases perseverance and success in long-term goals. Robert Greene warns that one of the biggest threats to personal mastery is surrounding yourself with the wrong influences—people who encourage mediocrity instead of excellence. The question is, do the people around you push you to grow, or do they keep you comfortable? If you’re serious about stepping into your calling, you need people who will challenge, refine, and encourage you.

At the end of the day, the biggest barrier to stepping into great dreams isn’t a lack of talent, intelligence, or opportunity—it’s hesitation. We let fear, doubt, and uncertainty keep us from simply saying yes. The good news? You don’t have to figure out the whole path. You just have to take the next step. God is not waiting for you to become “qualified.” He’s waiting for you to trust Him.

Reflection

As you have read this article, what has come to mind as your dream/life’s task? I encourage you to pray over it and write it down. Look back over what you’ve written regularly and look for God’s intervention and direction.

What dream has God placed in my heart that I’ve ignored or dismissed? Have I downplayed it out of fear, doubt, or practicality?

Am I truly content, or just comfortable?Have I mistaken playing it safe for peace?

What fear is holding me back, and how can I reframe it as part of growth? If failure wasn’t an option, what would I pursue?

Have I surrendered my money, future, and family to God? Am I trusting Him with the outcome, or trying to control everything myself?

Am I surrounding myself with people who challenge and encourage me? Who in my life pushes me toward growth rather than keeping me comfortable?

What’s one small, concrete step I can take today toward a great dream? How can I build momentum with a bite-sized goal?

Ok, I’m done. Thanks for reading! If you got this far, comment “iykyk”

Sources:

Dream Great Dreams by Chip Ingram

[1] Our True Passions Are Innate: Why Do We Give Up Our Childhood ... https://www.elitedaily.com/money/entrepreneurship/our-true-passions-are-innate-why-do-we-give-up-our-childhood-dreams

[2] Reframe Fear as an Information Gap: A Guide for Personal Growth ... https://www.marmorabito.com/archives/reframe-fear-as-an-information-gap-a-guide-for-personal-growth-enthusiasts-and-entrepreneurs

[3] I just swing between grand visions of my life, huge goals, then ... https://www.reddit.com/r/DecidingToBeBetter/comments/apt31n/i_just_swing_between_grand_visions_of_my_life/

[4] How Do You Motivate Yourself Using Childhood Passions? https://www.strategiccoach.com/resources/the-multiplier-mindset-blog/how-do-you-motivate-yourself-using-childhood-passions-and-dreams

[5] The Science of “Doing It Scared”: How Fear and Excitement Can ... https://www.lumiacoaching.com/blog/how-fear-and-excitement-can-move-you-forward-as-a-coach

[6] Personal Growth — Blog — April Bell Research Group https://www.aprilbellresearch.com/blog/category/Personal+Growth

[7] Your Childhood Dream: The Key to a More Passionate Life - LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/your-childhood-dream-key-more-passionate-life-monica-mccoy

[8] How To Use Fear For Personal Growth – Part 1 https://johnmurphyinternational.com/blog/how-to-use-fear-for-personal-growth-part-1/

[9] Your childhood dream holds key information – Passion equals ... https://www.alustforlife.com/tools/your-childhood-dream-holds-key-information-passion-equals-success

This article isn’t written from the perspective of someone who has figured it out. It’s more like a study I’m doing for myself—an exploration of why having great people in our lives matters and how to actually pursue them. If I’m not going to stumble into the perfect mentor by accident, then maybe it’s time to get intentional about learning from those ahead of me.

Throughout history, wisdom has been passed down through relationships—apprentices to masters, students to teachers, disciples to mentors. The Bible, Stoicism, and modern psychology all emphasize the power of surrounding yourself with the right people. Science tells us that our brains are wired to imitate those around us. Philosophy teaches us to seek out sages to emulate. Scripture warns us that we become like the company we keep.

So, if I want to grow, the question isn’t just what I need to learn, but who I need to learn from. How do I find and pursue great people? And if I can’t find them in person, how do I absorb their wisdom from a distance? Those are the questions I want to explore today on Wisdom Now: Why and How.

Why

… It’s Crucial to Surround Yourself with Great People

If you want to grow in wisdom, character, or skill, it seems like the fastest way to do it is to surround yourself with people who are ahead of you. When researching these articles I like to look at three key sources: Scripture, Stoic Philosophy, and Modern Psychological Research. I’ve found that “pursue great people” isn’t just motivational advice—it’s a psychological, philosophical, and biblical reality. Who we spend time with shapes our thinking, habits, and even our identity.

1. Psychological & Neurological Evidence

• Mirror Neurons & Social Learning

Our brains are wired to imitate. The mirror neuron system, discovered in the 1990s, shows that we subconsciously adopt the behaviors, emotions, and attitudes of those we observe. This means that just being around wise, disciplined, or virtuous people makes us more likely to develop those qualities ourselves.

• The Influence of Social Networks

Studies in social psychology confirm that our habits and worldviews are largely influenced by the people closest to us. In Connected: The Surprising Power of Our Social Networks, researchers Christakis and Fowler found that even things like obesity, happiness, and voting behavior spread through social circles in ways we often don’t realize. If we spend time with people who are constantly growing, we will be pulled in that direction. If we’re surrounded by apathy, negativity, or unwise influences, the same effect occurs.

• Neuroplasticity & the Power of Role Models

The brain’s ability to rewire itself (neuroplasticity) means that long-term exposure to great role models can reshape how we think, react, and make decisions. This is why mentorship is so powerful—it provides repeated exposure to a way of thinking and living that can fundamentally alter our own patterns.

2. Stoic Insights on Learning from the Wise

The Stoics took this principle seriously. They believed that wisdom isn’t something we figure out in isolation but something we gain through imitation and reflection.

• Seneca on Choosing Role Models

Seneca advised his students to consciously choose someone to emulate:

“Choose someone whose way of life as well as words, and whose very face as mirroring the character he has formed for himself, have won your approval.” (Letters to Lucilius, 6.5)

Instead of passively absorbing the habits of random people around us, he argued that we should be intentional about who influences us.

• Marcus Aurelius’ Personal Study of Role Models

In Meditations, Marcus Aurelius begins by listing the virtues he admired in the people who shaped him—his father’s integrity, his teacher’s patience, his mentor’s self-control. This wasn’t just a sentimental exercise; it was his way of deliberately internalizing their qualities.

• Epictetus on the Danger of Bad Company

The Stoics were also clear about the dangers of surrounding yourself with the wrong people. Epictetus warned, “If a man associates with those who are dirty, either in body or mind, their grime will rub off on him.” (Discourses, III.16)

No one is immune to influence. If we don’t intentionally pursue wise, disciplined, and virtuous people, we will be shaped by whoever happens to be around us instead.

3. Biblical Wisdom on the Company We Keep

The Bible is filled with direct teachings about how our relationships affect us, and it repeatedly emphasizes that wisdom is something pursued in community.

• Proverbs & the Power of Association

• “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” (Proverbs 13:20)

• “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” (Proverbs 27:17)

Wisdom isn’t just about personal study—it’s about exposure to people who refine us.

• Paul on Imitation & Mentorship

• “Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ.” (1 Corinthians 11:1)

• “What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.” (Philippians 4:9)

Paul understood that faith and character are best taught by example, not just by instruction. He repeatedly told his followers to imitate his way of life, just as he imitated Christ.

• Jesus and Discipleship as a Model for Growth

Jesus didn’t just teach wisdom—He lived it in front of His disciples. He invited them to follow Him, eat with Him, and watch Him handle real-life situations. He knew that transformation happens through relationship. This is the ultimate model for mentorship: wisdom is best learned through direct exposure, not just through books or ideas.

Why should we seek out great people? Because our past experiences and struggles make it necessary. No one had a perfect upbringing—wounds and shortcomings are part of life. The key is choosing to address them in a healthy way. God often works through others to bring healing and restoration.

The research is undeniable. The philosophy is timeless. The Bible is emphatic. Who we spend time with in person and even indirectlyshapes us, often more than we realize. If we want to become wiser, stronger, or more virtuous, we need to surround ourselves with people who are already walking that path. The next question, then, is how to do this—how to pursue great people in a way that actually leads to growth. That’s what we’ll explore next.

How

…To Make It Happen

Recognizing the need for wise, virtuous people in our lives is one thing—actually finding and learning from them is another. Great people don’t just appear; they must be sought out with intention. If we want to grow, we need a strategy for surrounding ourselves with the right influences. Here are 5 tips to get you started:

1. Identify Who You Want to Learn From

The first step is to define what “greatness” looks like to you. Who do you admire? What qualities do you want to develop? Instead of waiting for the perfect mentor to appear, take an active role in choosing your influences.

Think of four or five people—past or present—who embody the wisdom, discipline, or character you want to cultivate and write them down. These can be historical figures, spiritual leaders, authors, fictional characters you admire, or people in your own life.

2. Study Their Lives

If they are historical or distant, read their biographies, listen to their talks, or analyze how they made decisions. If they are personal connections, pay attention to how they live and handle challenges.

Marcus Aurelius did this in Meditations, listing the traits he admired in those who influenced him. We can do the same by journaling on this topic. It’s a great way to really process and solidify your intentions and values.

Seneca, C.S. Lewis, and countless other wise figures left behind letters and writings that allow us to learn from them even centuries later.

Many of the world’s best thinkers have shared their insights through interviews, talks, and lectures—use these as a way to absorb their wisdom.

3. Don’t be afraid to Ask for Guidance

Many people hesitate to ask for mentorship, assuming they’ll be a burden. But most wise individuals are happy to share what they’ve learned if you express a genuine desire to grow. This doesn’t have to be formal—sometimes, just asking good questions over coffee can lead to valuable mentorship.

Remember to look in the right places. Wise people are usually found where wisdom is valued. Look in faith communities, professional circles, or groups dedicated to personal growth.

4. Become Someone Worth Pursuing

One of the best ways to attract wise and great people is to live in a way that draws them toward you.

Practice humility and teachability. People who have wisdom are more likely to invest in those who are eager to learn and open to correction.

Pursue excellence in your own life; growth attracts growth. The more disciplined, wise, and intentional you become, the more likely you are to connect with others on the same path.

5. Invest in Others

As you learn and grow, look for ways to pass on wisdom to those who are behind you. Teaching solidifies your own learning and creates a cycle of growth. A great goal would be to maintain mentor, peer, and disciple relationships. All three: a Paul to learn from, a Barnabas to share with, and a Timothy to help grow.

My biggest takeaway from writing this article is that great people won’t just show up in your life—you have to seek them out. It might feel like there’s never enough time to do this, but I found that there’s always room in your schedule for what you prioritize. Just make the time. Throughout this whole process, don’t forget to pray earnestly for God‘s guidance. The pursuit of wisdom is lifelong, but the journey itself transforms us.

Reflection

Throughout this article I’ve already prompted journaling and reflection a couple times, but to keep my typical article structure, I’ll compile some good reflection questions here.

• Who are the five people you spend the most time with? How are they influencing your thinking, habits, and character?

• If you could become more like one person—living or dead—who would it be? Why?

• Are there wise, disciplined, or virtuous people in your life whom you could learn from? Have you ever asked them for guidance?

• If you don’t have direct access to great mentors, how can you learn from role models through books, speeches, or history?

• What qualities do you want to cultivate in your own life? Who is already living those out?

• Are you becoming the kind of person that wise and great people would want to invest in?

Now, consider one practical step you can take this week:

• Reach out to someone you admire and ask for a conversation.

• Start reading a biography of someone whose life inspires you.

• Make a list of the traits you want to develop and find a role model for each.

Ok, I’m done. Thanks for reading! If you made it this far, comment “mentor, I hardly know her” or not.

Sources:

[1] The importance of mentorship in higher education: An introduction to ... https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/15236803.2023.2260947

[2] Mirror Neurons: A Powerful Learning Tool - Betty Okino https://www.bettyokino.com/post/mirror-neurons-a-powerful-learning-tool

[3] New NIH-Supported Study Characterizes Social Networks of Family ... https://www.nih.gov/news-events/news-releases/new-nih-supported-study-characterizes-social-networks-family-friends-influencing-obesity

[4] Mirror Thinking: How Role Models Make Us Human ... - dokumen.pub https://dokumen.pub/mirror-thinking-how-role-models-make-ushuman-9781472975775-9781472975805-9781472975812.html

[5] Does Mentoring Matter? A Multidisciplinary Meta-Analysis ... https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2352144/

[6] Mirror Neurons in Volleyball: The Missing Piece of the Coaching ... https://www.volleyballhubpro.com/mirror-neurons-in-volleyball-the-missing-piece-of-the-coaching-puzzle/

[7] The Surprising Power of Our Social Networks and How They Shape ... https://positivepsychologynews.com/news/derrick-carpenter/2010042810799

[8] The role of the positive emotional attractor in vision and shared vision https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2015.00670/full

[9] Mentoring Impact. Connect with a Young Person - Mentoring.org https://www.mentoring.org/mentoring-impact/

[10] Mirror neurons: Enigma of the metaphysical modular brain - PMC https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3510904/

[11] https://messagenotes.livingontheedge.org/Good-To-Great-In-Gods-Eyes.pdf

-Jim Mattis

“Read the best books first, otherwise you’ll find you do not have time.”

-Henry David Thoreau

“Make a habit of reading writers you expect to disagree with. One idea that challenges your beliefs is worth a hundred ideas that confirms them.”

-Gurwinder

These quotes have been rolling around in my head lately as I peruse Jacob Allee’s excellent Substack:

Study the Great Books

This Substack is devoted to creating useful tools for studying the Great Books of the Western World. Here you will find study guides for Great Books, sample writing assignments, and reflections on learning and teaching in Classical Christian Education.

By Jacob Allee

I was challenged by the question, why do I even care about reading in the first place? Don’t most people who don’t read much get by just fine? Well today on Wisdom Now: Why and How I want to explore this a bit deeper, and if you’re convinced to read a bit more, then I have some tips for that too!

Why

…read great books?

We live in a world flooded with information. Every day, we consume countless snippets of news, social media posts, and quick takes—but how much of it actually shapes us in a meaningful way? Reading great books isn’t just about gathering information; it’s about transformation. The right books challenge us, deepen our understanding, and expand our capacity for wisdom.

C.S. Lewis’s Mere Christianity is a perfect example. It’s not just a book about Christian doctrine—it’s an exercise in clear, logical thinking. Lewis presents arguments with a generosity that makes them compelling even if you disagree. Reading a book like this isn’t just about learning what Lewis thinks; it’s about sharpening your own ability to reason, to ask better questions, and to think more deeply about faith and philosophy.

Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning is written by a man who endured the horrors of a concentration camp yet emerged with profound insights on suffering, resilience, and purpose. This isn’t just an account of history—it’s a book that forces you to confront your own life. What meaning do you create in hardship? How do you find purpose when circumstances are out of your control? Books like this shape not just our minds but our souls.

But great books don’t have to be explicitly philosophical or theological. Steve Martin’s Born Standing Up is a memoir, but it’s also a masterclass in perseverance, creativity, and the long, often painful road to mastery. If you’re pursuing any craft—whether in the arts, business, or even just personal growth—stories like Martin’s remind us that success isn’t an overnight phenomenon. It’s years of unseen effort, self-doubt, and persistence.

And then there’s Romans, undeniably one of the most influential writings in history. It’s a book that has shaped civilizations, ignited reformations, and continues to challenge readers with its depth and complexity. Reading something like Romans isn’t just about understanding theology—it’s about engaging with a text that has wrestled with justice, human nature, and grace for thousands of years.

Reading great books is one of the most powerful ways to grow because it challenges us on multiple levels. Books expand our world by exposing us to new ideas, cultures, and perspectives, while also sharpening our minds by forcing us to engage deeply with complex arguments and reasoning. Unlike movies or quick media, books demand active participation—we don’t just passively absorb information; we wrestle with it, process it, and make it our own.

At the same time, books strengthen our hearts by offering wisdom, encouragement, and emotional depth that stays with us long after we’ve finished reading. They nourish our souls by pushing us to reflect on life’s biggest questions, often in a way that movies and social media can’t match. Because books take time to develop ideas, they allow for greater depth and complexity, helping us see connections we might otherwise miss.

Reading also develops our skills—whether it’s leadership, creativity, or communication—because it requires sustained focus and engagement. Unlike fleeting media, books build concentration and reflection, helping us think critically rather than react impulsively. And perhaps most importantly, great books stick with us longer because they require effort. The ideas don’t just wash over us; they become part of how we think and who we are.

Great books don’t just tell us things we didn’t know. They shape how we think, what we value, and how we live. They introduce us to people—both real and fictional—who expand our understanding of the world. They challenge our assumptions, comfort us in hardship, and sometimes, completely change the way we see reality.

So why read great books? Because they don’t just fill your mind. They renew it.

How

… to read more and read well

So, if great books have the power to transform us, how do we actually make reading a meaningful part of our lives? Here are some practical ways to build a strong reading habit and get the most out of the books you read.

1. Start Small and Build Momentum

Many people avoid reading because they feel like they don’t have time. But you don’t need hours every day to build a habit—just 10 to 15 minutes of focused reading can make a huge difference over time. Start small, and let the habit grow naturally.

• My personal goal right now is reading 10 pages a day—that’s over 3,600 pages a year, or about 12–15 books.

• Use idle moments (waiting rooms, lunch breaks, before bed) for reading instead of scrolling on your phone. I truly hope you’ve experienced the joy of not being able to put a book down in idle moments like these.

• Set realistic goals for you! Don’t set the same goal you’ve failed at five times already. If it’s page count throwing you off. Start with two or three. If it’s frequency, start with 1x/week. Just give your self a win to get started.

2. Choose Books That Challenge and Engage You

The best books are the ones that stretch your thinking, not just entertain you. Look for books that challenge your worldview, introduce new ideas, or refine your understanding of what you already believe. Expand Your World – with biographies. Sharpen Your Mind with theology or philosophy. Strengthen Your Heart with books like Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. Develop Your Skills with The Inner Game of Tennis (I promise it applies to anything performance based task). Nourish Your Soul with the deep beauty of the gospels. And don’t forget to just have a little fun with some Fantasy or Mystery. There are life lessons if not just writing lessons to be gleaned from those as well!

Not sure where to start? Choose one book that excites you and commit to finishing it before moving on. The feeling of having read a book cover to cover will motivate you to do it again.

3. Read with a Purpose

Know for yourself why you want to read more. If it’s just to experience more writing styles and see creativity on display, amazing! That’s super fun! But I’d suggest balancing that with another purpose of challenging yourself to sharpen your thoughts. This is best done by….

• Taking Notes – Underline key ideas, jot thoughts in the margins, or keep a reading journal.

• Asking Questions – Do you agree or disagree? Why? What new perspectives does this book offer?

• Discussing with Others – Share insights with friends, join a book group, or post about it online. Conversations deepen understanding.

4. Make Reading a Habit, Not a Chore

Reading shouldn’t feel like homework. Find ways to make it enjoyable:

• Create a Reading Environment – A quiet spot, good lighting, a comfortable chair, and a cup of coffee or tea can make all the difference.

• Use a Habit tracking app - I like Finch. It’s good for a lot of different things.

•Read at the Right Time – Morning, lunch breaks, before bed—find a time when you’re naturally focused.

• Mix It Up – Read different genres. Try biographies, philosophy, fiction, and theology to keep things interesting.

5. Replace Low-Value Content with Books

Time isn’t usually the problem—priorities are. Most of us have plenty of time, but we spend it on social media, YouTube, or Netflix.

• Swap 30 minutes of screen time for reading each day.

• Pick a smaller and take it with you so you can read instead of scrolling when you have downtime.

• Try audiobooks during commutes or chores if sitting down to read is tough.

6. Enjoy the Journey

Reading isn’t about checking books off a list—it’s about growth. Some books will take longer than others. Some will challenge you, and some will deeply resonate. The goal isn’t to read as many books as possible but to let the right books shape your mind and soul.

Reflection/Application

As you think about your reading habits and the role books play in your life, consider these questions:

• Which books have had the biggest impact on your thinking, values, or worldview?

• Do you tend to read books that challenge you, or mostly ones that reinforce what you already believe?

• What barriers keep you from reading more? How could you adjust your routine to make space for reading?

• Do you engage deeply with what you read, or do you tend to move on quickly? How could you be more intentional about absorbing and applying what you learn?

• What’s one book you’ve been meaning to read? When will you start?

Take a few moments to reflect, and maybe even write down your answers. The best way to start reading great books is to decide—right now—that you will.

Ok, I’m done.

If you made it this far, comment “I told you I could read”

Or consider two men who face the sting of rejection. Both confess feelings to the woman they love; both are turned away. One shrugs it off, understanding that life moves on, that his worth isn’t tied to this moment. The other spirals, tormented by thoughts of inadequacy, convinced he’s been shattered. The same event—but two completely different experiences.

Grief follows the same pattern. Two people lose someone they love. One mourns but eventually finds a way to honor the memory and keep living. The other is consumed by the loss, unable to see a future beyond the pain.

If suffering came only from what happens to us, these experiences would look the same. But they don’t. The depth of our pain, the weight of our burdens, and even the shape of our joy come down to how we think about what happens to us.

This idea isn’t new. The Stoics understood it, the Bible teaches it, modern psychology backs it up, and even neuroscience confirms it. The mind is the battlefield of life, and the thoughts we hold onto determine whether we’re crushed by hardship or whether we rise.

So how do we think well Why and How should we train our minds to build a life of wisdom, peace, and resilience? That’s the challenge we are tackling on today’s addition of Wisdom Now: Why and How (with Ryan, wow!)

Why

…Your Thoughts Matter

From the introduction, it’s clear that our thoughts make a real difference in how we experience life. The same situation can feel completely different depending on the mindset we bring to it. This is why we need to take our thought life seriously—because the way we think shapes everything else.

As I’ve been mulling this topic around I’ve found myself reviewing any emotionally heightened experiences I have. I’ve found that if you dig a little deeper past the surface level emotions, it’s always based on some assumption or belief that you can change. It can be difficult to come to terms with sometimes, but I really believe that your emotions, your decisions, your relationships, and even your sense of purpose are all influenced by the thoughts you dwell on. If you constantly tell yourself that life is unfair, that people are against you, or that you’re not good enough, those thoughts will color everything you do. But if you train your mind to focus on what’s true, constructive, and meaningful, you’ll see the world—and yourself—differently.

This isn’t just about being positive. It’s about recognizing that your thoughts create patterns, and those patterns shape your reality. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), one of the most effective modern psychological approaches, is built on this exact principle. It teaches that our emotions don’t come directly from external events, but from our interpretations of them. If you can change the way you think about a situation, you can change the way you feel about it.

This idea isn’t new. The Stoics, particularly Marcus Aurelius, saw the same truth nearly 2,000 years ago. He wrote, “If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” In other words, the suffering we experience isn’t caused by the event itself, but by the meaning we assign to it.

Aurelius also understood that anxiety is not something that happens to us—it’s something we create with our thoughts. He wrote, “Today I escaped from anxiety. Or no, I discarded it, because it was within me, in my own perceptions—not outside.” This is the first prong of a two-pronged approach to mastering our thought life: first, we must discard destructive, anxious, and irrational thoughts. As long as we believe that our suffering is caused by outside forces, we will feel powerless. But once we recognize that our emotions come from our own interpretations, we can begin to change them.

As Aurelius put it, “You have power over your mind—not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” This means we are not victims of circumstance. We don’t have to let our thoughts control us. We can choose to let go of anxiety, to stop replaying past failures, to quit assuming the worst about the future.

But that’s only half the battle. Once we’ve removed harmful thoughts, we have to replace them with something better. That’s where the second prong comes in: dwelling on what is true, excellent, and worthy of praise. And that’s what we’ll explore next.

How

… to Take Control of Your Thought Life

If we want to free ourselves from destructive thinking, we have to do more than just remove negative thoughts—we need to replace them with something better. If we don’t intentionally fill it with good things, it will naturally drift back to worry, fear, and self-doubt. The mindless media intake that pervades many of our lives has well documented negative effects. That’s why I’m thankful Philippians 4:8 gives us a clear roadmap:

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable—if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise—think about these things.”

Here on The Modern Quest, we care a lot about responsibility. I believe we should view the discipline of our thought life as part of our responsibility to God, others, and ourselves. This disciplined approach to shaping our minds in a way that leads to wisdom, peace, and strength. So what can one do to practically apply this intention? Here are seven great thoughts to focus on every day. Journaling, praying discussing them are great ways to start filling your mind wisely.

1. Think Great Thoughts About God

“Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable His judgments, and His paths beyond tracing out!” —Romans 11:33

Reminding ourselves of who God is—His wisdom, love, and faithfulness—keeps us grounded. A small view of God leads to a small faith. A big view of God gives us the confidence to face anything.

2. Think Great Thoughts About Yourself

“The LORD your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you; He will quiet you with His love; He will rejoice over you with singing.” —Zephaniah 3:17

Many people struggle with negative self-talk, but God’s view of us is clear: we are deeply loved and valued. Internalizing this truth changes how we see ourselves and how we move through the world.

3. Think Great Thoughts About Others

“But the LORD said to Samuel, ‘Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.’” —1 Samuel 16:7

Instead of making quick judgments or assuming the worst about people, we can train ourselves to see them as God sees them—valuing their character over their status, abilities, or outward image.

4. Think Great Thoughts About Life

“Then He said to them all: ‘Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it. What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit their very self?’” —Luke 9:23-25

Life is more than success, comfort, or material things. Thinking deeply about our purpose and the kind of person we want to become helps us live with intention.

5. Think Great Thoughts About the Future

”‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” —Jeremiah 29:11

Fear of the future can lead to anxiety and paralysis, but dwelling on God’s promises allows us to move forward with trust and hope.

6. Think Great Thoughts About the Past

“Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” —Philippians 3:13-14

Dwelling on past mistakes, failures, or regrets keeps us stuck. Learning from them, letting go, and moving forward is the only way to grow.

7. Think Great Thoughts About Challenges

“Consider it all joy, my brothers and sisters, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” —James 1:2-4

Instead of seeing trials as obstacles, we can view them as opportunities to grow in wisdom, patience, and resilience.

Practical Ways to Cultivate a Strong Thought Life

Changing our thought patterns isn’t just about willpower—it’s about creating habits that reinforce great thinking. I wrote a whole article about habits a couple weeks ago!

Here are a few habits you might want to try regarding your thought life:

• Memorize and meditate on these key scriptures. You can write them on index cards or sticky notes and place them where you’ll see them regularly.

• Use drive time wisely. Instead of letting your mind wander while being pacified by top 40 radio, listen to sermons, audiobooks, or music that uplifts your thinking.

• Surround yourself with great content. The books, media, and conversations you engage with shape your mind. Choose them wisely.

• Take walks in nature. Stepping away from distractions and spending time in God’s creation can help you refocus your thoughts.

• Personalize truth to your struggles. If you deal with anxiety, memorize verses about God’s peace. If you struggle with self-worth, dwell on scriptures that affirm your value in Christ.

• Limit exposure to negativity. Whether it’s toxic social media, news, or conversations, be mindful of what influences your thoughts.

• Be intentional about gratitude. Writing down things you’re thankful for can shift your focus from problems to blessings.

Reflection

At the end of these Wisdom Now articles, I always like to leave you with reflection questions to chew on as you go about your week. If you have the time, I encourage you to journal on a couple of these. Slowing your thoughts down to the speed of writing is a very tangible and effective way to take control of your thought life:

1. Seneca wrote, “We suffer more in imagination than in reality.” Take a moment to reflect: What are some fears, anxieties, or regrets that have occupied your mind recently? How much of that suffering was due to the actual event versus your interpretation of it?

2. Think back to a time when two people you know responded very differently to the same kind of hardship. What role do you think their thought life played in shaping their experience?

3. What kinds of thoughts tend to dominate your mind on a daily basis? Are they primarily life-giving or life-draining? If a transcript of your inner dialogue were read aloud, how would it sound?

4. Consider the seven great thoughts from this article (God, Yourself, Others, Life, The Future, The Past, Challenges). Which one do you struggle to dwell on in a healthy way? What’s one practical step you can take to reshape that thought pattern?

5. Philippians 4:8 encourages us to dwell on what is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, and commendable. What’s one recurring thought you can intentionally replace with a more excellent one this week?

6. Marcus Aurelius wrote, “You have power over your mind—not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” In what areas of your life do you need to reclaim that power? Where have you been letting external circumstances dictate your peace?

7. If you were to fully implement a two-pronged approach to thought life—discarding negative, unhelpful thoughts and intentionally dwelling on excellent ones—what difference do you think it would make in your daily life?

Ok, I’m done. If you made it this far, comment “Logizomai” to confuse the plebes.

SDG

sources:

https://music.apple.com/us/album/think-great-thoughts/705586785?i=705587938

Let me paint you a picture.

A group of friends are hanging out at lunch, swapping jokes and playful jabs. One person, Oswald, makes an offhand comment about how Dorothy is always so dramatic about everything. The others chuckle, and the conversation moves on without a second thought.

But Dorothy doesn’t.

What no one knows is that Dorothy has been struggling silently. She’s dealing with a sick parent at home, barely sleeping at night, and constantly feeling like she’s on the verge of breaking down. Lately, she’s been holding it together by a thread, trying not to let her emotions spill over at work. And now, hearing that she’s “always dramatic,” she wonders if everyone secretly thinks she’s too much—if maybe she is too much.

That night, she replays the moment in her head, feeling embarrassed for ever expressing anything at all. She starts second-guessing herself in conversations, laughing less, speaking less, shrinking herself down. It was just a joke to Oswald. It wasn’t deep to him. But it was deep to her.

And if she were to say, “Hey, that actually hurt my feelings,” she’d likely be met with a shrug and the dreaded phrase: “It’s not that deep.”

But here’s what’s easy to forget—we never really know what someone is going through. We don’t see the weight they’re carrying, the battles they’re fighting in their personal lives, or the hidden wounds they’re nursing. When we dismiss someone’s emotions, we assume that our perspective is the only one that matters. We send the message that their feelings are an overreaction, that their pain is invalid, that they should just get over it.

Dismissing emotions might seem harmless, even helpful. But in reality, it erodes empathy, stifles connection, and discourages self-awareness. In today’s edition of Wisdom Now: Why and How we’ll explore why people say “It’s not that deep,” why it’s harmful, and how we can replace dismissiveness with wisdom and understanding. I know that it’s pretty ironic to be writing an entire article about emotional intelligence because of this specific phrase, but stick with me. I think it’s worth it.

Why

…People Use Dismissive Language.

People don’t usually say “It’s not that deep” with bad intentions. More often than not, it comes from a place of discomfort, misunderstanding, or even misguided helpfulness.

• Discomfort with emotions – Some people struggle to engage with deep emotions, either because they were raised to suppress them or because vulnerability makes them uneasy. Instead of leaning into the moment, they shut it down.

• A misguided attempt to help – Many people believe minimizing a problem will make it feel smaller. Saying “It’s not that deep” is often an attempt to offer perspective—but perspective without empathy feels dismissive.

• A defense mechanism – If someone feels responsible for another’s pain, they may downplay it to avoid guilt or conflict.

• Power and control – In some cases, dismissal is a way to silence someone or exert control, especially in unhealthy relationships.

… It Damages Relationships

When emotional dismissal becomes a habit, it erodes trust and weakens relationships.

• It discourages vulnerability – When people expect their emotions to be minimized, they stop sharing them. This leads to emotional isolation in friendships, marriages, and workplaces.

• It teaches self-doubt – If someone repeatedly hears that their feelings aren’t valid, they may begin to question their own emotions, leading to suppressed feelings and internalized shame.

• It creates emotional distance – Over time, repeated dismissal sends the message: Your emotions are inconvenient to me. People may stop confiding in those who repeatedly shut them down, leading to relational drift.

How

… To Respond with Emotional Wisdom

If dismissive language is so harmful, what should we say instead? How can we respond in a way that fosters understanding, emotional safety, and deeper relationships? Here are some practical, actionable steps or “scripts” to replace “It’s not that deep” with wisdom and emotional intelligence.

1. Acknowledge the Emotion First

Even if you don’t personally understand why something is upsetting to someone, you can still acknowledge that it matters to them. Simple phrases like:

• “I can see this really affected you.”

• “I hear you.”

• “That must have been tough.”

create space for the person to feel heard. This as an essential step in building a healthy, meaningful relationship.

With that said, not every emotion needs to be “fixed” immediately. Sometimes, people just need to process their feelings without being told to move on. If you’re tempted to dismiss, pause and ask yourself: What harm would it do to simply let them feel this?

Instead of:

• “Why are you still upset about this?”

Try:

• “I get that you’re feeling this way. Let me know how I can support you.”

2. Get Curious Instead of Defensive

Instead of reacting with dismissal, respond with curiosity. Ask open-ended questions to help the person express their emotions:

• “Can you help me understand why that hit you so hard?”

• “What about that situation felt painful for you?”

• “I didn’t see it that way at first—tell me more.”1

This shifts the conversation from shutting down emotions to exploring them.

3. Offer Perspective Without Minimizing

There’s nothing wrong with helping someone see a situation differently—but it should be done after acknowledging their feelings, not as a way to brush them aside.

• Instead of “It’s not that deep,” try “I totally get why you feel that way. Would it help to talk through some other ways of looking at it?”

• Instead of “You’re overreacting,” try “I can tell this really upset you. Do you think there’s something deeper behind it?”

This approach maintains empathy while gently guiding the person toward reflection.

4. Set Boundaries Without Dismissing

You don’t have to absorb every emotional reaction, but there’s a difference between setting a boundary and shutting someone down. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, you can still validate emotions while taking care of yourself:

• “I want to have this conversation, but I need a little time to process first.”

• “I care about what you’re feeling, but I don’t think I can have a productive discussion about it right now. Can we revisit it later?”

This keeps communication open while respecting both people’s emotional needs.

These small shifts in language and mindset can make a huge difference in the way we relate to others. Instead of shutting down emotions, we can learn to create space for them—allowing for deeper understanding, stronger relationships, and a better use emotional wisdom.

Reflection and Application

If you read my post last week, you’ll know that I’m big on self-awareness. One great way to put that into practice is to do reflection questions. Remember, self-awareness is key to breaking patterns of emotional dismissal.

• Have you ever had a moment where someone’s offhand remark stuck with you longer than they ever intended?

• Can you think of a time when you felt dismissed after opening up about something that mattered to you? How did it affect you?

• How might those experiences shape the way you respond to others now?

• When someone shares that something hurt them, is your first instinct to validate or minimize?

• Have you ever told someone “It’s not that deep” or something similar? Looking back, do you think they might have needed a different response?

• Do you tend to downplay your own emotions in the same way? If so, where do you think that comes from?

• The next time someone expresses hurt, how can you slow down and respond with empathy?

• What phrases or habits can you practice to encourage open and honest conversations?

• How can you create an environment—at home, at work, or with friends—where people feel safe expressing their emotions?

Dismissing emotions is easy. It lets us move on quickly and avoids discomfort. But real connection—the kind that builds trust, deepens relationships, and demonstrates wisdom—requires us to slow down, listen, and respond with care.

Ok, I’m done. Thank you so much for eating! Let me know your thoughts in the comments here on Substack.

WHY

…It’s Important to Define Wisdom for Yourself

Without a clear definition, wisdom can become this vague, feel-good concept that doesn’t really guide us in any meaningful way. Defining wisdom for yourself, however, changes that. It gives clarity to how you approach life and make decisions.

Here’s why it matters:

1. It Gives You a Target

If wisdom is your goal, you need to know what it looks like. A personal definition creates a clear target to aim for, making it easier to measure progress and course-correct when needed.

2. It Keeps Your Values Front and Center

Defining wisdom helps you connect it to your core values. This alignment ensures your actions and decisions reflect what truly matters to you, instead of what’s just convenient or expected.

3. It Helps in Tough Moments

Life isn’t black and white. When you’re faced with difficult decisions or moral gray areas, having a definition of wisdom can act like a compass, helping you navigate thoughtfully.

4. It Grows with You

Your understanding of wisdom can evolve over time, and that’s a good thing. Revisiting and refining your definition allows it to grow alongside you, adapting to the lessons you learn along the way.

HOW

…I personally am defining it

Wisdom is one of those qualities, like leadership or emotional intelligence, that can be defined simply but also needs to be broken into smaller parts to truly understand.

I personally define wisdom as navigating life well with sound decision-making. But making good decisions requires many skills and considerations, and decisions come in many forms: emotional, practical, moral, and relational. Today I want to propose an acronym that encapsulates the key components of wisdom.

I like acronyms. I’ve used them in in past articles because I think they’re a helpful way to organize and remember complex concepts. That said, I’m not 100% set on this one, so please share your thoughts in the comments—I’d love your input!

Here’s what I’ve come up with:

WISDOM

• Wherewithal

• Intentionality

• Self-Awareness

• Discipline

• Open-Mindedness

• Moderation

Wherewithal

If you know me, you’re probably not surprised that my first word choice is a little uncommon. Wherewithal is the ability to resourcefully problem-solve. It’s best summed up by the mindset that “everything is figure-out-able.”

Wherewithal involves knowing what you need, how to get it, and how to adapt when challenges arise. It’s about resourcefulness, creativity, and the ability to leverage knowledge and experience—not talent or luck—to navigate life.

“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.”

—Theodore Roosevelt

Intentionality

When I started imagining this acronym, intentionality had to be on the list. One of the most foolish things we all do is waste precious time—scrolling, gaming, or numbing out on our phones. Intentionality is the opposite of that.

This is the call to take back your time and energy, to live purposefully rather than passively. Intentionality isn’t just about avoiding distractions—it’s about having a clear vision of what you’re working toward and taking deliberate steps to get there.

“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”

—Oscar Wilde

Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is the foundation of wisdom. How can you make good decisions if you don’t understand your own emotions, motivations, and patterns? Self-awareness involves the courage to examine your life honestly and ask hard questions about yourself.

It’s not always comfortable, but as Socrates famously said:

“The unexamined life is not worth living.”

Discipline

Discipline is the first half of a powerful duo (we’ll get to the other half soon). With discipline, you take consistent, deliberate action toward your goals, even when it’s difficult.

Discipline involves practicing habits that lead to self-improvement and preparing yourself to respond wisely to life’s challenges. It’s the act of showing up every day for the things that matter most.

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.”

—Will Durant (often attributed to Aristotle)

Open-Mindedness

Wisdom requires humility—the recognition that you don’t know everything. Open-mindedness allows you to keep learning, growing, and refining your beliefs. Open mindedness goes hand in hand with observation (a runner up for the O slot). Staying situationally aware will give you a lot more to go off of when making decisions.

When you close yourself off to new perspectives, you stop growing. Open-mindedness doesn’t mean abandoning conviction; it means staying curious and willing to learn from others, even those you disagree with.

“A mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it isn’t open.”

—Frank Zappa

Moderation

Moderation is the other half of the discipline coin. While discipline pushes us to do what’s beneficial, moderation restrains us from overindulging in what’s harmful, unhelpful, or simply unnecessary.

Moderation helps you find balance in all areas of life—work, relationships, leisure, and personal growth. It’s the art of knowing when enough is enough.

“Be moderate in order to taste the joys of life in abundance.”

—Epicurus

Each of these traits contributes to navigating life with sound decision-making, which is at the heart of wisdom. By cultivating wherewithal, intentionality, self-awareness, discipline, open-mindedness, and moderation, we equip ourselves to live thoughtfully and purposefully.

What do you think? Would you add or change anything to make this acronym stronger? Let’s continue the conversation in the comments!

Application

OK, we’ve defined wisdom. Now what? It’s time to make it personal and apply this to your life via reflection questions.

1. What does wisdom mean to you, and how does it show up in the decisions you make every day?

2. Who in your life exemplifies wisdom, and what specific qualities or habits make them stand out?

3. What recent decision felt like a “wise” one, and what made it feel that way?

4. In what areas of your life do you feel you could use more wisdom, and what might help you grow in those areas?

Ok I’m done. Thanks for reading!

SDG

Momentum, I realized, is more than just sticking with a habit. It’s about creating a rhythm that pushes you forward, making each step easier than the last. For someone like me, an Enneagram Type Nine, getting started can feel daunting, but once I’ve built a streak, it’s as if I’ve tapped into a reservoir of steady, unstoppable energy. It’s a lot like trying to push a car. It takes a lot of effort to get it to begin to move that first foot, but then the second and third foot are easier and easier. Not only that, it becomes harder and harder to stop the moving car.

Now is the perfect time to talk about the concept of momentum. With the new year having just begun, many people are more aware than usual of their own habits and health. Unfortunately, I think that too often people try to change their lifestyle through sheer force of will, without much strategy involved. That’s why the concept of and science behind giving yourself momentum is a particularly relevant topic for today’s article.

Welcome back to Wisdom Now: Why and How (with Ryan, wow!) where today we will be looking at some of the science behind momentum, and some tips and tricks for how to practically apply it to your own life!

Why?

Usually in the “Why” section, I like to dig into the reasons Why whatever topic I’m talking about is worthwhile. But if you can’t see the reason behind self improvement, then I’m surprised you’ve made it this far into the article! If I were going to tell you Why you should use your momentum to build healthy habits, I’d probably say something like, “It helps us bounce back from setbacks, creates a sense of control and agency, and reduces decision fatigue and anxiety.” But I’m not gonna do that. Instead, today we will be looking at seven psychological and neurological reasons Why momentum is such a powerful force in many of our lives.

1. The Snowball Effect: Small actions compound over time, leading to significant progress. Each step builds on the last, creating a growing sense of accomplishment.

2. The Sunk-Cost Fallacy: You might be familiar with this concept as a negative thing, but here it’s a negative thing that we are harnessing for good! The Sun cost fallacy tells us to keep investing in something that we’ve already spent significant time or money on, even when it’s not the most rational decision. When we are trying to build momentum, however, the sunk cost of previous investments only works to encourage us to keep doing what we’ve decided beforehand is healthy!

3. Commitment Consistency: This is a principle from social psychology where people are psychologically driven to behave consistently with their past commitments and actions because it reinforces their sense of identity and reduces cognitive dissonance. This is less about irrational persistence (like the sunk cost fallacy) and more about the positive motivation to maintain alignment with what you’ve already started.

4. The Zeigarnik Effect: Our brains naturally crave closure. Starting a habit creates a psychological pull to keep going, as we’re wired to finish what we start.

5. Dopamine Loops: Completing even small tasks releases dopamine, the brain’s feel-good chemical. This reward reinforces behavior, making us more likely to repeat the action and continue the habit.

6. Neuroplacticity: The brain’s ability to adapt and change in response to repeated behaviors is key to habit formation. Consistent actions strengthen neural pathways, making habits feel more automatic over time. This means that momentum doesn’t just help you sustain a habit—it physically rewires your brain to support it.

7. The 66 Day Rule: Research by Dr. Phillippa Lally found that it takes an average of 66 days for a behavior to become automatic. Building momentum through consistent, daily actions helps you reach that tipping point where a habit becomes second nature.

How?

“Ok, ok, that sounds great and all, but I’ve tried to start better habits before and it never works!”

Fair enough, I’ve been there! But, along the way I’ve come across some helpful tips and tricks. Here are four principles I’ve found to be helpful when trying to figure out How to actually give myself momentum:

1. Start Small- Momentum begins with manageable steps that feel easy to accomplish.

Choose one habit to start with: Pick something simple, like drinking a glass of water each morning or writing one sentence in a journal. Starting small minimizes resistance and helps you get into the habit of showing up. Not having time stops being an excuse when all you need to do is one push-up.

Emphasize consistentness over intensity: It’s better to do a small task every day than to tackle something big inconsistently. As BJ Fogg’s Tiny Habits Framework teaches, small, sustainable actions are the key to lasting change.

2. Track Your Progress- Visualizing your wins keeps you motivated and reinforces your momentum.

Use habit trackers or journals: Marking off completed habits helps you see your progress over time, creating a sense of accomplishment. I highly recommend the app, Finch. Not only is it a great way to game-ify your habit tracking, it’s got a lot of helpful mental health tools, and a fun social dynamic.

Celebrate milestones: Even small wins—like completing a weeklong streak—deserve recognition. Celebrating reinforces the dopamine loop, making it easier to keep going. You can do this a couple different ways: A) Take a moment to reflect on your accomplishment. Say something encouraging to yourself, like, “I’m proud of sticking with this for a week!” This small act of self-recognition reinforces positive feelings. B) Treat yourself to something enjoyable but modest, such as your favorite snack, a short break to do something you love, or a small purchase (e.g., a new pen or notebook).

3. Leverage Compounding Effects

Stack habits: Link your new habit to an existing routine. For example, read the Bible right after brushing your teeth or stretch while waiting for your coffee to brew. This creates a natural flow and reduces decision-making fatigue.

Combine physical and mental habits: Pairing actions, such as going for a walk while listening to a sermon, can enhance the benefits of both activities and create exponential growth.

4. Bounce Back Quickly- Even the most consistent habits can face interruptions—but momentum thrives on how quickly you restart. Acknowledging this inevitability and committing yourself beforehand to bouncing back is the secret sauce in the momentum recipe.

Don’t let breaks derail you: Missing a day doesn’t erase your progress. Avoid guilt and remind yourself that restarting is part of the process.

Focus on the next step: Momentum is about direction, not perfection. Each time you restart, you’re reinforcing your commitment and building resilience.

Final thoughts

OK, let’s recap!

Momentum is a powerful force for positive change, turning small, consistent actions into meaningful habits that shape your life. By starting small, tracking progress, leveraging the compounding effects of habits, and bouncing back quickly, you can build routines that support your mental health and overall well-being.

To make this actionable, let’s take a moment to reflect:

What is one small habit you’ve been wanting to start? How can you simplify it to make it easier to begin?

How will you track your progress and celebrate your milestones?

If you’ve fallen out of a habit recently, what’s the smallest step you can take today to restart?

Momentum starts with a single step. The key is not perfection but progress. What will your first step be?

Is there anything still holding you back from committing right now, while you’re reading this, to try to start a new, small habit? If so, get over it. Haha, just kidding, …but seriously though.

Ok, I’m done. Thanks for reading! Let me know if this was helpful to you in any way. Actually, I’d love to hear any response at all!

SDG

Over the past couple of decades, mindfulness has taken the self-help world by storm. And for good reason. It teaches us to slow down, take stock of our emotions, and approach life with a sense of calm and acceptance. But there’s a flip side to all that introspection: sometimes, you don’t need to just accept a situation—you need to do something about it.

This is where the old-school approach of assertiveness training comes in. While mindfulness focuses on managing your internal world, assertiveness helps you navigate the external one. And in a world that often encourages us to “just go with the flow,” remembering how to stand your ground and speak up for yourself can be a game-changer.

What Is Assertiveness Training?

Back in the 1970s and ‘80s, assertiveness training was everywhere. The idea was simple: if you struggle to speak up for yourself, here’s a straightforward, four-step process to help.

1. Describe the Situation: Start with the facts, no drama, no emotion.

“I’ve noticed that in meetings, I’m often interrupted before I can finish my point.”

2. Express How You Feel: Say what it’s doing to you emotionally, without blaming.

“When that happens, I feel frustrated and overlooked.”

3. Assert What You Need: This is the core—what do you want to happen instead?

“I’d appreciate it if I could finish my thought before we move on.”

4.Specify the Consequence: What’s the outcome, good or bad?

“This will make sure all ideas are heard, which can lead to better decisions for the team.”

It’s direct, it’s clear, and it gets the job done. You’re not being aggressive, but you’re also not a doormat.

The Rise of Mindfulness (and Why It’s Not Always Enough)

In contrast to the problem focused assertiveness training, response focused mindfulness tells you to look inward. Notice your emotions. Breathe through the discomfort. Accept the situation as it is. And honestly, that’s a great skill to have. It can keep you from overreacting or getting caught up in things you can’t control.

But sometimes, you can control the situation—or at least influence it. If all you do is focus on managing your feelings, you might end up tolerating things that shouldn’t be tolerated. Your boss piling extra work on your desk, a friend who constantly talks over you, or a family member who pushes your boundaries—these aren’t situations that should just be “accepted.” They’re situations that need to change.

And that’s where mindfulness alone can fall short.

The trick is knowing when to accept and when to act. Mindfulness and assertiveness aren’t opposites—they’re partners. One helps you keep your cool, and the other helps you speak your truth.

Let’s say your workload at the office has been creeping up, and it’s starting to burn you out. A mindfulness-first approach might look like this:

- Take a deep breath.

- Recognize the stress you’re feeling.

- Remind yourself that you can only do what’s within your control.

Great. Now you’re calmer. But you’re still overloaded with work.

Here’s where assertiveness steps in:

1. Describe the Situation: “I’ve noticed I’ve been getting more assignments than usual lately.”

2. Express How You Feel: “It’s starting to feel overwhelming.”

3. Assert What You Need: “Can we look at distributing some of these tasks more evenly across the team?”

4. Specify the Consequences: “That way, I can maintain the quality of my work without burning out.”

Now you’ve done both: You’ve managed your internal response and taken steps to change the external situation.

Why This Matters

In a culture that sometimes swings too far toward “just accept it” or “just fix it,” the truth is usually somewhere in the middle. Mindfulness teaches you to respond thoughtfully instead of reacting impulsively. Assertiveness teaches you to respond effectively, with confidence and clarity.

Both are essential. Without mindfulness, assertiveness can turn into aggression. Without assertiveness, mindfulness can slide into passivity. But together, they help you navigate life with both calm and confidence.

So the next time you’re facing a tough situation, remember: You don’t have to choose between acceptance and action. Start with mindfulness to get grounded, then use assertiveness to make sure your voice is heard.

Sometimes, peace comes from within. And sometimes, it comes from setting the world straight.

Application

What’s one conversation or situation where you didn’t assert yourself? How did it affect you, and what might have changed if you had spoken up?

When you express your needs, do you communicate them clearly and directly, or do you rely on others to read between the lines? How can you be more straightforward?

In what areas of your life do you feel the most hesitant to assert yourself? What beliefs or fears are holding you back, and how can you start challenging them?

Ok I’m done.

SDG

Ryan Parmenter

It was in the midst of this kind of week when I discovered the idea of an emotional budget. This week on Wisdom Now: Why and How, let’s dig in to see exactly Why and How to implement this strategy.

Why?

What happens to your relationships when you’re too drained to be present for the people you love?

How does your work suffer when you’re running on empty—are you productive, or just busy?

When was the last time you felt truly refreshed, and what did it take to get there?

If you continue at your current pace, where do you see yourself in a year? Five years?

What would it look like to give yourself permission to rest and recharge?

Life demands a lot from us. Work, relationships, parenting, chores—they all require emotional energy. But without balance, the constant giving can leave us feeling depleted, unmotivated, or even resentful. I’ve often heard that you need to fill yourself up so that you can pour into other people. “Remember, it takes intentional self-care to show up as the best spouse, parent, employee, etc. in the way you want to be.” they say. While that’s a great sentiment, it remains pretty abstract. Having an emotional budget is a great way to practically apply this in real life.

An emotional budget helps you:

1. Recognize energy leaks: Where are you spending too much of yourself?

2. Prioritize your well-being: Saying “no” to some things means saying “yes” to the people and activities that matter most.

3. Recharge intentionally: Like a financial budget, a healthy balance requires both cutting back on expenses and building up reserves.

Simply put, an emotional budget is about stewarding your energy wisely so you don’t end up bankrupt when you need it most.

How?

Here’s a step-by-step approach to get started:

1. Audit Your Outputs

Think of your emotional energy as a bank account. Every task, responsibility, or crisis makes a withdrawal. But what about the deposits? If you’re like most people, the ledger looks like: “Work meeting? -$100. Toddler meltdown? -$500. Fun night out? Oh wait, zero deposits this month.”

Make a list of everything that demands emotional energy in your life—work, family, commitments, and even small stressors like an overflowing inbox. Rank them on a scale from 1 to 5 based on how much energy they require.

2. Identify Your Inputs

Now, write down the activities or habits that replenish your energy. Do you enjoy reading, taking walks, or playing an instrument? How much time are you actually giving to these things?

For me, it could be a short piano improvisation session, a phone call with a friend, or playing with my dog. It doesn’t have to be monumental—it just has to happen.

3. Compare the Two

If your outputs far outweigh your inputs (and they probably do), it’s time to rebalance. I know it probably sounds impossible, but stick with me and remember to start small.

4. Say No Strategically

Look at your outputs and decide where you can cut back. Even saying “no” to one unnecessary task or commitment can create much-needed margin. You might feel like there’s nothing you can cut out, which is why it’s helpful to ask a trusted friend for their perspective. Remember, you can’t make space for new, life-giving habits until you first create some breathing room by letting go.

This probably can start with evaluating phone usage. Is the stress relief you get from scrolling/gaming effective and efficient? My guess is there are probably better, more intentional ways to use that time for stress relief and “emotional depositing.”

5. Invest in Small Deposits

Start small. Add one thing this week that brings you energy—a 10-minute walk, a favorite hobby, or even a quiet moment to yourself. Small shifts lead to sustainable outcomes.

When you’re in survival mode, it can feel like even ten minutes is hard to come by. But that’s just a feeling. Let’s say you’re awake for 15 hours a day. That’s 900 minutes! I think somehow you’ll be able to put just 10 of those towards your own health and well being, especially considering why it’s so important.

6. Revisit and Adjust

Budgets need upkeep, and so do emotional budgets. Take time every week to reassess and make changes as needed. If you’re good about keeping a financial budget, consider including emotional budgeting as part of your regular budget maintenance.

Closing Thoughts

Emotional bankruptcy doesn’t have to be permanent. Small shifts today can add up to big gains tomorrow. Say no to one thing, yes to one thing, and watch your balance grow.

Ok, I’m done.

SDG

-Ryan Parmenter

Sources:

https://redrivercounseling.net/blog/2024/5/6/create-an-emotional-budget?format=amp

Welcome back to Wisdom Now: Whom, Where, What, Why, and How (with Ryan, Wow!)

Quick Story

Recently, I made the difficult decision to leave a house church my family and I had been a part of. While there were various reasons behind this choice, theological differences played a significant role. Looking back, part of me wonders if simply changing congregations was the right approach. In hindsight, I see value in earnestly debating these theological points in good faith rather than stepping away. By remaining engaged in those discussions, I could have gained deeper insights, and maybe even contributed to a more united understanding among us.

This experience of leaving my house church made me reflect on a much wider trend in our culture: the tendency to remove ourselves from people or situations where disagreements arise. Whether it’s choosing a news outlet that reinforces our views, leaving a congregation over differing beliefs, or cutting off friendships when values clash, we often withdraw rather than work through our differences.

This pattern might feel easier in the moment, sparing us from uncomfortable conversations or potential conflict. But, just as I felt a sense of regret in not fully engaging in good-faith discussions before leaving my church, I see how this habit on a larger scale prevents us from learning from each other. When we isolate ourselves among like-minded people, we risk losing the opportunity to understand alternative perspectives, build resilience in our own beliefs, and deepen our relationships.

In the same way that communities grow stronger through honest, respectful theological discussion, society as a whole benefits when people stay connected across divides. By remaining engaged—whether in congregations, media, friendships, or families—we can cultivate the skills needed to disagree politely, seek truth together, and ultimately strengthen the bonds that unite us.

Jesus’ View of Unity

Jesus consistently taught the importance of unity among His followers, seeing it as foundational to their witness in the world. In His final prayer before His arrest, known as the High Priestly Prayer in John 17, He pleaded with the Father, saying, “that they may all be one, just as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You, that they also may be in Us, so that the world may believe that You have sent Me” (John 17:21). Here, Jesus linked unity directly to the credibility of His message—showing that when His followers remain united, they reflect God’s love and help the world recognize the truth of His mission.

Furthermore, Jesus emphasized reconciliation and peace among believers, instructing His followers to resolve conflicts and forgive each other (Matthew 5:23-24, 18:15-17). He even taught that love for one another would be the defining mark of His disciples (John 13:34-35). In Jesus’ view, unity wasn’t merely an ideal; it was a testimony to the transformative power of God’s love. This provides us the basis for Why we need to counteract the division that crops up so easily in our circles.

So What?

I think many would say our country feels more divided than ever, with the recent re-election of Donald Trump intensifying deep rifts—particularly among Christians. Many believers find themselves polarized, with some viewing Trump as a champion of their values, while others see his presidency as contradicting the teachings of Christ. These divisions have strained friendships, split congregations, and fueled resentment within the body of Christ itself.

When divisiveness becomes the norm, it weakens the unity Jesus called His followers to uphold. Instead of coming together to share in faith and work toward common goals, Christians risk becoming more focused on differences than on shared beliefs. This fracturing doesn’t just harm relationships within the church; it dilutes its witness to the world. As society sees Christians divided by political and ideological lines, it may question the power of a faith that claims to be founded on love and unity. Allowing these divisions to deepen could mean sacrificing not only personal relationships but also the credibility and influence of the Christian community as a whole.

How Do You Build Bridges in a Divided Culture?

In times of intense division, it’s essential to build genuine, in-person relationships with people who hold different beliefs. Social media often amplifies anger and polarizes opinions, encouraging quick judgments rather than thoughtful conversations. Stepping back from social media and focusing on face-to-face interactions can create a more respectful and understanding environment. I think you’ll find that in real life, people are much more likely to get along. Instead of distancing ourselves from others over disagreements, we can look for ways to intentionally engage. This might mean inviting people with differing views over for dinner, or spending time with friends and family members who see things differently.

As followers of Christ, we have an opportunity to be role models for respectful dialogue. In a world where debates often spiral into emotional outbursts and name-calling, we can strive to keep calm and approach conversations with a spirit of humility and understanding, rather than a need to “win.” When we discuss our beliefs in person, focusing on listening and understanding rather than reacting, we help foster a more constructive, respectful exchange of ideas.

In a polarized world, it’s tempting to latch onto talking points from our preferred news sources, social media influencers, or political groups. But true understanding requires that we think for ourselves, rather than simply parroting the rhetoric around us. Both sides of any issue have fundamentalists who are quick to villainize those who disagree, often framing complex issues as stark, one-dimensional conflicts. Falling into this trap distances us from genuine connection and blinds us to the real intentions of those who think differently.

Instead of assuming the worst in others, we should strive to see their true motivations, focusing on common ground as a starting point. Finding shared values—a desire for community, family, or integrity—creates an environment where each person feels respected and heard. Only from this foundation of mutual understanding can we then start to explore the more contentious topics.

As we step into these harder conversations, it’s essential to remember: only a firm relational foundation can support the weight of heavier topics. When people feel valued and understood, they’re more willing to engage thoughtfully. By prioritizing connection over conflict, we make it possible to bridge even the deepest divides, laying the groundwork for true dialogue and growth.

Ultimately, learning to engage with each other in love means embodying the compassion, patience, and humility that Jesus taught. By stepping away from divisive online spaces and prioritizing real relationships, we contribute to a culture that values connection over division and unity over uniformity. Through these intentional actions, we don’t just preserve friendships or family bonds—we also help foster a society built on mutual respect and shared humanity.

List-ification Time

If you’ve read a few of my articles here, you’ll know how fond I am of boiling complex topics down to a digestible list of nuggets. So, here’s my list of ways to approach building bridges:

1. Have Face-to-Face Conversations:

When possible, meet in person. Face-to-face interactions allow for nuance, tone, and empathy that social media or text can’t convey. Invite someone to coffee, lunch, or dinner to discuss ideas in a relaxed setting. Even voice memos are much better than an emotionally vague text or email or (especially) a facebook comment.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions:

Show genuine curiosity by asking open-ended questions. Instead of focusing on where you disagree, ask questions like, “What experiences have shaped your views?” or “What values are most important to you in this issue?” This can reveal common ground and offer insight into why they believe what they do. Also, try to avoid leading questions, and just be forthright with your thoughts.

3. Practice Active Listening:

Don’t just listen for points to rebut; listen to understand. Reflect back what the other person has said to show you’re truly hearing them. This builds trust and encourages honest sharing. A lot can be said about how to actually practice this, but that might just be it’s own separate article.

4. Identify and Acknowledge Common Values:

Instead of getting right into disagreements, establish a shared foundation by focusing on values you both hold dear. For instance, many people across divides value family, fairness, compassion, and integrity. Acknowledging these can help ease tension and create a sense of unity. You might even find that you disagree less than you assumed.

5. Be Willing to Share Your Own Journey:

Opening up about why you believe what you believe can model vulnerability and create a safe space for the other person to do the same. Share your experiences that shaped your views, in addition to just making a case for them. This will help humanize your side of the argument, moving it away from rehearsed talking points.

6. Resist the Urge to 'Win':

Approach each conversation as a chance to learn rather than an opportunity to prove someone wrong. The goal isn’t to convince or “win” but to understand and connect. Unity doesn’t often happen when someone is left feeling like the loser of an interaction.

7. Spend Less Time on Social Media:

Social media tends to amplify extreme views, which can distort your perspective of how most people actually think. Reducing time online and focusing on personal connections can keep you more grounded and open-minded. It also is bad for you in a lot of other ways. Check out my article about doom scrolling here:

8. Invite People from Different Perspectives:

Host a gathering and intentionally bring together people with varied backgrounds and viewpoints. Set a tone of mutual respect and curiosity from the beginning, emphasizing that the goal is to learn from each other rather than debate. Shared experiences can deepen relationships in ways that conversation alone sometimes can’t. try volunteering together or attending some community event. Doing something side-by-side can shift focus from disagreement to camaraderie.

9. Resist the Urge to Disengage or Cut People Out:

When conflict arises, it’s easy to think that simply cutting ties will bring peace. While there are times when certain relationships are truly harmful and maintaining healthy boundaries is necessary, often the urge to disengage comes from wanting to avoid discomfort rather than true harm. Prioritize reconciliation when possible, and seek understanding over uninjured feelings. By remaining open to working through differences, we honor the relationships and strengthen our ability to manage disagreements with grace.

10. Take Time for Self-Reflection:

To make these principles a part of daily life, consider the following

- Who in my life holds different views from me, and when was the last time I really tried to understand them?

- Do I tend to assume people with opposing views have bad intentions? How could I reframe this to consider their experiences and motivations?

- When was the last time I asked questions and really listened without planning my response?

- What are some practical ways I could spend less time on social media and more time engaging with people directly?

- How might I find or create spaces in my life to bring together people with diverse views for genuine connection?

Taking time to reflect on these questions can lead to practical steps that make bridge-building a part of your life. By being intentional, we can make a meaningful impact on the world around us—starting one relationship at a time.

That’s about it for me today. Thank you for reading, and I wish you the best of luck with your bridge building!

SDG

-Ryan Parmenter

Today on Wisdom Now: Why And How, we are looking at the second installment of my series on Ancient Apocryphal/ Pseudepigraphal texts. I’ve been intrigued by this under-discussed set of texts for a while, so my plan is to put out an article every few weeks that boils down one of the books to its most interesting and useful information. I’ll start with a historical context and background, then talk about the content of the book of Enoch and how it differs from the Bible, then go over a brief history of why it was excluded from traditional scriptural cannon, and finish by asking “So What?” Feel free to skip around to the sections that interest you the most! By examining the cultural context and content of The Book of Enoch, we’ll find what wisdom there is to be found in this text and gain a deeper understanding of Early Christian/Jewish Thought. Why? Because it’s cool! How? Read and find out!

Introduction

The Book of Enoch is a fascinating and complex work that has intrigued scholars and religious readers alike for centuries. Traditionally attributed to Enoch, the great-grandfather of Noah, this ancient Jewish text is a collection of visions, prophecies, and teachings that explore themes of divine judgment, angelic beings, and esoteric knowledge. While influential in early Jewish and Christian communities, the Book of Enoch is notably absent from most biblical canons, with the Ethiopian Orthodox Church being one of the few exceptions that includes it as sacred scripture.

The Book of Enoch differs from the main apocryphal books associated with the Bible. Typically, the term “Apocrypha” refers to a group of seven books found in the Greek Septuagint but not in the Hebrew Bible, such as Tobit, Judith, and 1 and 2 Maccabees, which are included in the Catholic and Orthodox canons. (At some point I plan to explore these texts in this series) Unlike these apocryphal texts, which have historical and religious significance within certain Christian traditions, the Book of Enoch falls into a separate category known as "pseudepigrapha."

Pseudepigrapha refers to ancient works written under the names of prominent biblical figures, often with the purpose of lending authority to specific teachings or visions. Although these texts may contain moral or theological insights, they are generally not considered divinely inspired or authoritative within mainstream Christian doctrine. The Book of Enoch—often dated to the intertestamental period, roughly between the 3rd and 2nd centuries BC—is one of the most prominent pseudepigraphal works and serves as a vivid example of Jewish apocalyptic literature. Let’s start our examination of this text by diving a little deeper into that cultural/historical context.

Cultural and Historical Background

The Book of Enoch emerged during a transformative period for Jewish culture, likely between the 3rd and 2nd centuries BC. This era, known as the intertestamental period, was marked by intense political and cultural shifts due to foreign domination. After the Babylonian Exile, Jewish society encountered the influence of Persian and later Greek rule, both of which left lasting imprints on religious thought and literary forms.

Persian Influence: Under Persian rule, Jewish communities became familiar with Zoroastrianism, the religion of Persia, which featured dualistic themes of good versus evil, angelic hierarchies, and a final judgment where evil would be defeated. These concepts resonated with Jewish beliefs but added depth to them, encouraging the development of an elaborate angelology and the idea of cosmic struggle—both central to the Book of Enoch. Zoroastrianism’s influence helped shape a Jewish apocalyptic worldview, one that focused on God’s eventual triumph over evil forces.

Greek Influence: When Alexander the Great conquered Persia, the Greek empire and Hellenistic culture became dominant. Greek ideas about the cosmos, philosophical questions about fate and destiny, and the human yearning for eternal life began to seep into Jewish thought. However, Hellenization also brought pressures to conform to Greek cultural and religious practices, which many Jews saw as a threat to their religious identity. Apocalyptic literature, including Enoch, became a way for Jews to resist assimilation by affirming their unique beliefs in a dramatic, symbolic format that contrasted with Greek human-centered philosophies.

The Rise of Apocalyptic Literature:

In the face of foreign rule, oppression, and cultural conflict, the apocalyptic genre became an essential tool for expressing both hope and resistance. Apocalyptic texts, including the Book of Enoch, served to:

1. Affirm God’s Control Over History: They reassured readers that God was ultimately sovereign and would judge both nations and supernatural powers that threatened Israel.

2. Highlight the Cosmic Struggle: The idea of an ongoing battle between divine and evil forces allowed Jews to interpret their current struggles as part of a larger cosmic plan.

3. Offer Hope for Divine Intervention: Apocalyptic literature predicted that God would intervene dramatically to defeat evil and establish his kingdom, giving readers hope in a time when oppression was a daily reality.

By situating their own struggles within a grand, divine narrative, Jews of this period found strength and purpose. The Book of Enoch reflects these influences, painting a vivid picture of angels, cosmic mysteries, and ultimate judgment—a portrayal that would echo in later Christian texts like Revelation.

Today, the Book of Enoch offers readers a window into early Jewish and Christian apocalyptic beliefs. Its cosmic visions and moral teachings provide insight into how ancient believers sought to understand the unseen world and divine justice. By situating Enoch within its historical context, we can begin to appreciate its impact on religious thought and why it continues to be a subject of fascination.

HOW does Enoch differ from the Bible?

Overall, this book is very different from almost every book in the Bible. It touches on some familiar themes and concepts, but goes beyond that in some places. Let’s take a look at these new or expanded ideas.

1. The Story of the Watchers and Their Descent to Earth

In the Book of Enoch, particularly in the Book of the Watchers (chapters 6-16), a group of angels called the “Watchers” descend to earth, led by a chief angel named Semyaza. They take human wives and have offspring known as the Nephilim—giant, violent beings who bring chaos to the world. This story expands on a brief reference in Genesis 6:1-4, where “the sons of God” are described as taking human wives, resulting in the Nephilim. The Book of Enoch develops this story with elaborate details about the angels’ rebellion and their subsequent punishment by God.

Enoch 6:2-4: “And they became pregnant, and they bare great giants, whose height was three thousand ells, who consumed all the acquisitions of men.”

2. The Teaching of Forbidden Knowledge

One of the central themes in Enoch is the idea that the Watchers imparted secret, forbidden knowledge to humans. This includes arts like weapon-making, cosmetics, magic, astrology, and the properties of plants and metals. This forbidden wisdom leads to moral corruption and ultimately helps explain why God punishes both the angels and humanity. The Bible does not discuss any similar transmission of knowledge by angels, which is unique to Enoch’s text.

Enoch 8:1-3: “And Azazel taught men to make swords, and knives, and shields, and breastplates, and made known to them the metals of the earth and the art of working them... and the beautifying of the eyelids, and all kinds of costly stones and all coloring tinctures.”

This scene positions the Watchers as corrupters who turn humanity away from God by promoting violence, vanity, and occult practices.

3. Elaborate Depictions of Heaven and the Angelic Hierarchy

Enoch gives readers a detailed tour of heavenly realms and an extensive angelic hierarchy. Enoch describes seeing different levels of heaven, each with distinct beings and purposes, and encounters various types of angels, each with specific roles. The Bible provides only glimpses of heaven (e.g., Isaiah’s vision in Isaiah 6 and John’s vision in Revelation), but Enoch elaborates much further.

Enoch 14:8-18 describes Enoch’s journey through several heavenly realms, eventually reaching a place where God resides in indescribable glory. Enoch recounts visions of fiery clouds, crystal palaces, and walls covered in stars.

Enoch 20:1-8 lists seven archangels (Michael, Gabriel, Raphael, Uriel, Raguel, Remiel, and Saraqael), each responsible for different aspects of creation or judgment. This detailed hierarchy of angelic roles and names is not found in the Bible, where the roles of angels are often unspecified and few are named.

4. Judgment of the Watchers and Their Offspring

Description: The Book of Enoch describes a unique judgment specifically directed at the fallen angels and their giant offspring, the Nephilim. God commands archangels to imprison the Watchers and destroy their offspring, the Nephilim, by a flood—a prelude to the story of Noah’s Flood in Genesis. This cosmic judgment against the rebellious angels is much more extensive than the brief mention of God’s sorrow in Genesis.

Enoch 10:4-7: God instructs the archangel Raphael to bind Azazel (one of the Watchers) and throw him into a desert pit, covered with sharp stones, until the final judgment.

Enoch 10:9-10: God orders the archangel Gabriel to cause the Nephilim to destroy each other in battle, ensuring that they do not overrun the earth. This divine punishment of the Watchers and Nephilim adds a cosmic dimension to the Genesis Flood narrative, emphasizing God’s judgment on both spiritual and physical levels.

5. The Vision of the Final Judgment and the Coming of the “Son of Man”

Later sections of the Book of Enoch, especially in the Similitudes of Enoch (chapters 37-71), describe visions of a final judgment, where all sinful beings—human and angelic—face God’s wrath. A figure known as the “Son of Man” is described as a powerful messianic figure who will execute judgment, vanquish evil, and establish a kingdom of righteousness. This vision prefigures the New Testament’s portrayal of Jesus as the “Son of Man” and final judge, especially in passages like Matthew 24 and Revelation.

Enoch 46:1-2: “There I beheld the Ancient of Days whose head was like white wool... and there was with him another, whose countenance had the appearance of a man.” This “Son of Man” will sit on a throne of glory and judge both the living and the dead.

Enoch 62:5-6 speaks of the righteous being vindicated and the wicked punished under the rule of this “Elect One,” echoing themes of final judgment found in the New Testament.

6. The Role of Enoch as an Intermediary and Scribe

In Enoch, Enoch himself is depicted as a mediator between the fallen angels and God, as well as a scribe who records visions and messages from God. He petitions on behalf of the Watchers, though their plea for forgiveness is ultimately denied. This idea of Enoch as a heavenly scribe who records divine secrets is unique to Enoch and is not present in the Bible’s brief mentions of Enoch (e.g., Genesis 5:24, “Enoch walked with God; then he was no more, because God took him”).

Enoch 13:4-5: The Watchers ask Enoch to petition God on their behalf. He delivers their plea, but God’s judgment is already set, emphasizing the seriousness of their transgressions.

Enoch 12:4 describes Enoch as a “scribe of righteousness,” who not only documents his visions but is also given divine insights to share with future generations.

WHY was it excluded from Scripture?

The decision to exclude The Book of Enoch from the biblical canon was complex, influenced by historical, theological, and cultural factors, and it unfolded gradually over centuries. Several key groups, including Jewish and early Christian leaders, made decisions that contributed to its exclusion. Here's an overview of the process and some of the reasons why Enoch was ultimately left out:

1. Jewish Canonization Process

When it was written The Book of Enoch was widely read and respected in many Jewish communities, especially those in the region of Judea and in the Diaspora. Its apocalyptic and messianic themes were particularly influential within certain Jewish sects, such as the Essenes (the group associated with the Dead Sea Scrolls), who included fragments of Enoch in their library at Qumran. These early Jewish communities saw Enoch as a source of divine revelation, similar to other apocalyptic texts (Daniel, Baruch, Jubilees) that anticipated God’s intervention in human history.

By the 1st century AD, mainstream Jewish leaders, especially those in the Pharisaic and later rabbinic tradition, began to move away from texts with overtly apocalyptic and esoteric content. The Book of Enoch, with its vivid descriptions of fallen angels, cosmic battles, and visions of heaven, was seen as potentially misleading or as overly speculative. When Jewish scholars convened at the Council of Jamnia (c. 90 AD) to discuss the Hebrew canon, they favored texts with a clear focus on the Law (Torah), Prophets, and Writings, excluding works that diverged from these central teachings. Although the Book of Enoch may have been respected, it was not universally recognized as scripture by Jewish authorities, and it was not included in the official Hebrew Bible.

2. Early Christian Reception

In the early Christian period, The Book of Enoch continued to be influential, especially among early Church Fathers. Jude 1:14-15 quotes directly from Enoch, and 2 Peter 2:4 refers to themes found in Enoch about the binding of fallen angels. Several early Christian leaders, including Tertullian (c. 160–220 AD), considered Enoch to be scripture and argued for its inclusion in the Christian canon.

As the Christian canon began to take shape in the 4th century, leaders within the emerging orthodox Christian church increasingly viewed Enoch with skepticism. Concerns arose about its speculative content, which did not align neatly with orthodox teachings on angels, demons, and eschatology. Additionally, some Church Fathers questioned the authorship of Enoch, labeling it as pseudepigraphal (falsely attributed to Enoch) and doubting its authenticity as a direct revelation. This skepticism, combined with a preference for texts that aligned more closely with accepted doctrine, led to Enoch’s gradual exclusion from mainstream Christian teachings and the formation of the canon.

3. Influence of the Councils and Official Canonization

In the 4th and 5th centuries, Church Councils like the Councils of Hippo (393 AD) and Carthage (397 and 419 AD) made influential decisions on which books were to be included in the canon. These councils affirmed the 27 books of the New Testament that are now recognized today and leaned toward the 39 books of the Old Testament found in the Hebrew Bible. The Councils did not endorse The Book of Enoch as canonical scripture, which solidified its exclusion from what would become the authoritative Christian Bible.

St. Jerome, who compiled the Latin Vulgate Bible in the late 4th century, used the Hebrew canon as the basis for the Old Testament and did not include The Book of Enoch. His decision further solidified the preference for the Hebrew canon in Western Christianity, which did not include Enoch.

In summary, The Book of Enoch was excluded from the canon due to its speculative and apocalyptic content like its depiction of angels intermarrying with humans and the extensive hierarchy of angelic beings that did not align with orthodox teachings. Additionally, Enoch’s visions of heaven, descriptions of cosmic judgment, and portrayal of a “Son of Man” figure were seen as either speculative or potentially misleading. On top of this, concerns over its pseudepigraphal nature, and a preference among early religious leaders for texts that directly supported orthodox doctrine and central theological principles. These decisions, shaped over centuries, reflect the evolving criteria used by both Jewish and Christian leaders to determine which texts would hold authority in their communities.

So What?

Why does The Book of Enoch matter for modern Christians if it’s not included in the canon? Despite its exclusion from official Scripture, Enoch provides rich imagery and compelling questions that can deepen our understanding of themes like faith, obedience, and spiritual warfare. It reminds us that, beyond what we see in the physical world, there exists a spiritual dimension where God’s justice is active and his purposes unfold, even in ways we may not understand. Enoch encourages us to think seriously about our place within this larger story of God’s creation and judgment.

The book’s warnings about the consequences of rebellion against God, as seen in the stories of the fallen angels, prompt us to reflect on the nature of sin, especially pride and the desire for independence from God. In our daily lives, this can serve as a reminder to examine our own choices, considering where we might struggle with pride or disobedience in subtle or open ways. The apocalyptic vision of Enoch also speaks to the idea of hope in God’s ultimate justice—a reassurance that, even in a world of chaos or injustice, God’s truth and righteousness will prevail.

As always, I want to leave you with reflection questions to help you apply this who is doing it to your daily life. I encourage you to take a few moments with each of these questions to make this study relevant to you. Ask yourself…

-Where do I see “giants” in my life today—things that seem too big, too intimidating to overcome? How might relying on God’s power, rather than my own strength, help me face these challenges?

-What temptations might I be entertaining that could subtly draw me away from God’s will, much like the angels who chose to disobey? How can I better guard my heart and actions?

-In what ways am I called to seek justice in a world that often resists it? How can I align my life more closely with God’s values of mercy and righteousness?

-How does the hope of God’s ultimate judgment and renewal affect my perspective on the struggles or injustices I see around me? How might this hope shift the way I approach daily life?

While The Book of Enoch is not part of the Bible, it offers profound insights that challenge us to think about the nature of sin, the unseen spiritual world, and the assurance that God’s justice will ultimately prevail. For Christians today, it can serve as a powerful supplement to our understanding of God’s holiness and the importance of living faithfully.

Ok I’m done

SDG

-Ryan Parmenter

Sources:

[1] Book of Enoch - Text Manuscripts https://www.textmanuscripts.com/medieval/book-enoch-60513

[2] [PDF] The Book of Enoch and Second Temple Judaism. https://dc.etsu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=2588&context=etd

[3] 8 Facts about The Book of Enoch and its Content - TheCollector https://www.thecollector.com/book-of-enoch-facts/

[4] A New Biography of Enoch (and an excellent tool for the Book of ... https://latterdaysaintmag.com/a-new-biography-of-enoch-and-an-excellent-tool-for-the-book-of-moses/

[5] First Book of Enoch | Summary, History, & Facts - Britannica https://www.britannica.com/topic/First-Book-of-Enoch

[6] The Book of Enoch - Cups to Crowns https://www.cupstocrowns.com/blog/book-of-enoch

[7] Where Was The Book of Enoch Discovered? - YouTube

[8] Book of Enoch | Facts, the Dead Sea Scrolls & the Bible - Study.com https://study.com/academy/lesson/book-enoch-history-summary-facts-1.html

Welcome back to Wisdom Now: Why and How! In this article, we’ll break down Townsend and Cloud’s ten fundamental laws of boundaries and challenge the myths that hold us back from setting them to learn Why they are so important and How to implement them well. Get ready to transform how you manage conflict, reduce stress, and build meaningful connections without sacrificing yourself!

10 Laws

No dilly dallying today (except for right now). Let’s jump right in.

1. The Law of Sowing and Reaping

The law of sowing and reaping is simple: our actions have consequences. When we set a boundary, it’s not to punish someone but to allow them to experience the natural outcome of their choices. By letting others reap what they sow, we allow them to take responsibility for their actions rather than shielding them from consequences. This approach prevents us from enabling harmful behavior, whether it’s constant bailing out of a friend or covering for a family member. In practicing this law, we encourage growth and accountability for everyone involved.

2. The Law of Responsibility

Responsibility within boundaries means understanding where our obligations end and others’ begin. We’re called to care for others, but we’re not ~responsible~ for others. When we take responsibility for someone else's feelings or actions, we rob them of their autonomy and add undue stress to ourselves. Setting this boundary doesn’t mean turning away from empathy; it means offering support without overstepping. By taking responsibility for ourselves and letting others do the same, we create healthier, more balanced relationships.

3. The Law of Power

We have the power to change our own behaviors, attitudes, and responses, but not those of others. Recognizing this is freeing—it means that while we can influence others, we aren’t bound to change them. Instead of trying to "fix" people, we can set healthy boundaries that protect our well-being and peace. This law helps us focus on our own growth, allowing others the space to make their own choices, whether or not we agree with them.

4. The Law of Respect

To have our boundaries respected, we must respect others’ boundaries as well. Boundary-setting is a mutual experience; if we expect others to honor our limits, we need to show the same consideration toward theirs. When we respect others' boundaries, we communicate that we value their autonomy, which in turn fosters trust and strengthens relationships. This law reinforces the idea that boundaries are not about control, but about creating healthy spaces where everyone can thrive.

5. The Law of Motivation

Genuine boundaries stem from a place of self-respect and clarity, not guilt or fear. This law calls us to examine our motivations when we set limits. Are we saying "yes" to avoid confrontation, or saying "no" out of resentment? When we set boundaries with positive intent—because we truly believe in protecting our peace and integrity—we cultivate stronger, more sincere relationships. Real motivation is rooted in a desire to honor ourselves and others, not in fear or obligation.

6. The Law of Evaluation

Setting boundaries sometimes results in hurt feelings, but we shouldn’t let this keep us from making wise choices. The law of evaluation helps us see that hurt and harm are different; while boundaries may disappoint or upset others, they are ultimately meant to protect and empower. This law calls us to evaluate our boundaries with compassion, knowing that while temporary discomfort may arise, the long-term benefit to our well-being and relationships is worth it.

7. The Law of Proactivity

Rather than waiting until we’re frustrated or overwhelmed, the law of proactivity encourages us to set boundaries early and clearly. Proactive boundaries help prevent misunderstandings, resentment, and burnout. This law urges us to approach boundary-setting from a place of calm rather than reaction, making clear our needs and limits before they become sources of conflict. By addressing issues proactively, we build relationships on a foundation of honesty and self-respect.

8. The Law of Envy

Envy can reveal unmet desires in our lives, often highlighting where we need boundaries to foster personal growth. When we find ourselves envying someone else’s freedom or success, it may be a sign that we need to focus inward, setting boundaries that help us achieve our own goals. This law encourages us to use envy as a signal to evaluate what we might be lacking and take steps toward creating a life that aligns with our values.

9. The Law of Activity

Boundaries require action. This law reminds us that we must actively communicate and enforce our boundaries rather than passively hoping they’ll be respected. Setting boundaries is not a one-time event; it’s a continuous process of standing up for our needs and re-evaluating limits as necessary. This law empowers us to speak up, take ownership of our limits, and engage in relationships with confidence and intention.

10. The Law of Exposure

Boundaries only work if they’re communicated openly. This law emphasizes the need for transparency—making sure others are aware of our limits and that we’re consistent in upholding them. Hidden boundaries create confusion and misunderstandings, while clearly communicated boundaries foster mutual respect. Exposure requires honesty about our needs and expectations, allowing for healthier, more trusting relationships.

These ten laws create a practical framework for setting and maintaining boundaries that protect our well-being and cultivate healthier relationships. Boundaries may not always be easy to uphold, but they’re necessary tools for mental and relational health.

Debunking 10 Common Myths About Boundaries

10. "I’m Not Somebody Who Needs Boundaries."

This myth often stems from the belief that setting boundaries is a sign of weakness or vulnerability. Some individuals may pride themselves on being accommodating and flexible, viewing boundaries as unnecessary limits that could hinder their relationships. However, everyone needs boundaries to foster healthy interactions and maintain personal well-being. Without them, we risk emotional burnout, resentment, and unhealthy dependency on others. Boundaries serve as essential guidelines that protect our time, energy, and emotional resources. Acknowledging the need for boundaries is not a reflection of being less capable or less giving; it’s an affirmation of self-respect and an investment in our relationships. Recognizing that everyone has limits allows us to engage more authentically with others and leads to deeper, more fulfilling connections.

2. “If I set boundaries, I’m being selfish."

Many believe that boundaries prioritize their needs over others, equating them with selfishness. In reality, boundaries are essential for maintaining healthy relationships and ensuring personal well-being. By setting limits, you communicate your values and needs, allowing for genuine connections built on mutual respect. When you take care of yourself, you are in a better position to support and care for others, fostering a healthier dynamic.

3. "Boundaries are a sign of disobedience."

This myth often emerges in contexts with authority figures, where asserting boundaries might be perceived as a challenge. However, setting boundaries is about taking healthy responsibility for your life and decisions, not about defying authority. It reflects a commitment to your own values and needs, allowing you to engage with others authentically and respectfully, whether in personal or professional settings.

4. “If I set boundaries, I’ll hurt others."

The fear of causing discomfort to others can be a significant barrier to setting boundaries. While it’s true that boundaries may initially create some unease, they ultimately prevent more significant harm in the long run. Boundaries foster an environment of respect and understanding, allowing everyone involved to navigate relationships more healthily. By being clear about your limits, you encourage others to respect themselves and their needs as well.

5. "Boundaries mean I’m angry."

While it’s not uncommon to feel a surge of emotion when establishing boundaries—especially if previous limits have been violated—boundaries themselves are not inherently about anger. They stem from a place of self-respect and the desire for healthy interactions. Setting boundaries is an opportunity to communicate your needs and protect your emotional space, allowing for more constructive conversations and relationships.

6. "When others set boundaries, it injures me."

It can be challenging to accept when others assert their boundaries, especially if it disrupts our expectations or desires. However, respecting boundaries is crucial for promoting health and independence in relationships. Rather than viewing another person’s boundary as an attack, consider it a chance for both of you to express your needs. This respect cultivates a more balanced relationship where both parties feel valued and heard.

7. "Boundaries cause feelings of guilt."

Feeling guilty when first setting boundaries is a common experience, but it’s important to recognize that this guilt often stems from conditioning rather than reality. In truth, boundaries are vital for preventing resentment and unhealthy dependency on others. By asserting your limits, you promote healthier dynamics and relationships, which ultimately leads to greater satisfaction for all parties involved.

8. "If I set boundaries, I’ll be lonely."

The fear that boundaries will lead to loneliness often deters people from asserting their limits. While setting boundaries may shift relationships, they typically lead to healthier and more authentic connections. By being clear about your needs, you attract people who respect and value you, resulting in more meaningful interactions and a stronger support network.

9. "Others will abandon me if I set boundaries."

The fear of abandonment can loom large when considering boundary-setting. However, real relationships are built on mutual respect and understanding, which includes honoring each other’s limits. Setting boundaries can help weed out unhealthy attachments, allowing you to cultivate relationships that are supportive and respectful. This process often leads to deeper connections with those who genuinely care for your well-being.

10. "Boundaries require me to be stern and forceful."

Many assume that setting boundaries necessitates aggression or confrontation. In reality, boundaries are about clear and consistent communication, not hostility. You can express your limits firmly yet kindly, fostering an atmosphere of respect and understanding. By articulating your needs calmly, you create space for open dialogue, improving the quality of your relationships.

Application and Reflection

Now that we’ve got a good idea of Why boundaries are important and How to implement them, I encourage you to take a few moments to apply these insights to your own specific circumstances. I know it would be so much easier to just read through these and not take the time to really work on this area of your life. But if this article felt relevant to you, I really think it would be beneficial to open up your Notes app or get out a notebook to thoughtfully respond to to these prompts.

1. Assess Your Current Boundaries:

Reflect on your current relationships. Where do you feel overwhelmed or resentful? What specific boundaries could you set to create healthier dynamics?

2. Identify and Write Down Personal Values:

What values are most important to you? How can establishing boundaries better align your relationships with these core values?

3. Challenge the Myths:

Choose one myth about boundaries that resonates with you. Write about why you believe it and explore how this belief has affected your ability to set boundaries in the past.

4. Visualize Healthy Relationships:

Imagine a relationship where you’ve successfully set boundaries. What does that look like? How do both parties feel? Write about this vision and how you can start to bring it to life.

5. Set a Small Boundary:

Identify one small boundary you can implement in the coming week. What will you do? How might it change your interactions with others?

6. Consider the Impact of Not Setting Boundaries:

Reflect on a time when you neglected to set a boundary. What were the consequences? How did it affect your mental and emotional health?

7. Plan for Pushback:

Anticipate potential challenges you might face when setting boundaries. How can you prepare yourself emotionally and mentally to address any resistance from others?

9. Evaluate Your Support System:

Who in your life respects your boundaries and encourages you to uphold them? Consider reaching out to these individuals for support as you work on implementing boundaries.

10. Celebrate Your Progress:

Set aside time to reflect on your journey with boundaries after a month. What changes have you noticed in your relationships and self-perception? Celebrate even the smallest victories!

Closing Thoughts

In the New Testament, Jesus exemplified the importance of boundaries throughout his ministry. One notable instance is found in Mark 1:35-38, where, after a night of healing and teaching, he rises early to pray in solitude. Despite the growing crowds seeking his attention, he prioritizes his need for rest and communion with God. When his disciples find him and urge him to return to the people, Jesus responds, "Let us go on to the next towns, that I may preach there also, for that is why I came out." This moment demonstrates how Jesus set boundaries around his time and purpose, ensuring he remained grounded in his mission rather than becoming overwhelmed by external demands. By recognizing his human limitations (such as not having the time to talk to everybody that wanted to talk to him) and prioritizing his values, Jesus effectively modeled how boundaries can enhance one's ability to serve and connect with others without sacrificing personal health or spiritual focus.

That’s all I’ve got for you today! I hope you have good luck with implementing these principles. Let me know what you think about these ideas in the comments!

Ok, I’m done.

SDG

-Ryan Parmenter

Sources:

https://ati.dae.gov.in/ati12052021.pdf

Today on Wisdom Now: Why and How (with Ryan, wow!) we will be exploring why it is valuable and wise to pursue emotional intelligence, one helpful tool for how to improve in that regard, and some reflection prompts that will help us to apply this wisdom to our daily lives.

Why

Emotional intelligence is more than just a useful skill—it’s a crucial component for success in both personal and professional life. While technical skills and knowledge are essential, how we manage our emotions and understand those of others can significantly impact the quality of our relationships, decision-making, and overall well-being. Here are five emotional intelligence can transform both your personal and professional life.

1. Improved Relationships

Emotional intelligence helps us to connect with others on a deeper level. By recognizing and understanding our own emotions, we can more easily identify what others might be feeling, leading to stronger, more empathetic relationships. When we express our emotions in a healthy and clear way, we encourage open communication, trust, and connection. In both personal and professional settings, the ability to navigate emotional dynamics can foster greater collaboration, reduce conflict, and improve overall harmony.

2. Better Decision-Making

Emotions play a critical role in decision-making, often more than we realize. When we’re unaware of what we’re feeling or why, we may make impulsive or reactive decisions based on emotions we don’t fully understand. Emotional intelligence allows us to recognize how our emotions influence our choices, giving us the ability to step back, reflect, and make more thoughtful, balanced decisions. This leads to greater self-awareness and more effective problem-solving in high-pressure situations.

3. Mature Self-Regulation

Emotional intelligence gives us the tools to regulate our emotions, even when they are intense or unpleasant. Instead of being controlled by our emotions, we learn to manage them. This doesn’t mean suppressing feelings, but rather acknowledging them and choosing how we want to respond. Emotional regulation can lead to greater resilience, helping us stay calm in stressful situations and avoid being derailed by frustration or anxiety.

4. Increased Empathy and Compassion

Empathy is a core element of emotional intelligence. When we are in tune with our own emotions, we become better equipped to understand what others are going through. This leads to increased compassion and the ability to offer support in a meaningful way. Whether it's in a leadership role, as a friend, or as a partner, being emotionally intelligent helps us show up for others in a way that builds trust and deepens connections.

5. Professional Growth

In professional settings, emotional intelligence is often linked to higher performance, leadership potential, and career advancement. Those who can manage emotions effectively, handle interpersonal relationships with care, and navigate the complexities of human interaction often stand out as leaders and innovators.

How

A key framework for building emotional intelligence is the RULER model, which breaks down the process into five essential skills:

Recognizing emotions: The first step is simply acknowledging that emotions are present, both in yourself and in those you interact with. This may seem straightforward, but it requires mindfulness and attention to subtle cues.

Understanding emotions: Once recognized, it's important to understand where these feelings are coming from. Emotions don’t arise in a vacuum—they are responses to situations, thoughts, or external stimuli. Identifying these triggers helps you understand the full context of what you're experiencing.

Labeling emotions: Many of us rely on broad, vague terms like “happy” or “upset” to describe how we feel. Emotional intelligence involves going deeper—distinguishing between complex emotions like anxiety versus fear or disappointment versus sadness. Developing this emotional vocabulary allows for a clearer, more precise understanding of your internal state.

Expressing emotions: Proper emotional expression is key to healthy relationships. It's not just about letting out your feelings; it’s about doing so in a constructive way that fosters understanding rather than conflict. Emotionally intelligent people know how to communicate their feelings effectively, taking into account the impact of their words and actions.

Regulating emotions: Finally, once you've recognized, understood, and expressed your emotions, you need to regulate them. This doesn’t mean suppressing your feelings but managing them in a way that helps you achieve your goals and maintain balanced, positive relationships. Emotional regulation is about staying calm under pressure and knowing when to step back to reassess your emotional state.

At its core, emotional intelligence is about co-regulation—acknowledging that our emotions are influenced by and also influence those we interact with. Whether in personal relationships or professional settings, understanding this dynamic helps create more meaningful and empathetic connections.

Day In The Life of Mark

Here’s a "Day in the Life of Mark" illustration using the RULER acronym to show how our good old friend Mark uses emotional intelligence throughout his day:

Morning – Recognizing Emotions

Mark wakes up feeling a bit off but isn’t sure why. Instead of jumping into his day, he takes a moment to pause and assess his emotions. After a brief reflection, he recognizes that he feels slightly anxious and stressed, likely due to an upcoming presentation at work. By *recognizing* this emotional state early, Mark is better prepared to address it.

Mid-Morning – Understanding Emotions

As Mark gets ready for work, he thinks about why he’s feeling this way. He realizes it’s not just about the presentation itself but also the pressure he’s putting on himself to perform perfectly. He *understands* that this stress comes from his desire to impress his boss and peers, and it’s rooted in fear of judgment, not the task itself.

Late Morning – Labeling Emotions

Once at work, Mark sits down to review his presentation. Instead of pushing through the discomfort, he actively *labels* his emotions. “I’m feeling anxious,” he says to himself, “but I also feel a bit of excitement about sharing my ideas.” By naming his emotions specifically—anxiety and excitement—he gains a clearer understanding of what he’s experiencing. This clarity helps him avoid vague labels like “stressed” and prevents him from feeling overwhelmed.

Afternoon – Expressing Emotions

During a team meeting, Mark has a chance to discuss his presentation with his colleagues. He *expresses* his nervousness openly but also shares his excitement about the work he’s put into it. Instead of hiding his emotions, he communicates them honestly, which allows his teammates to offer support and feedback. By expressing his feelings in a constructive way, Mark also creates a more open and empathetic environment at work.

Evening – Regulating Emotions

After the presentation, Mark’s adrenaline is high. He feels relieved but also slightly disappointed because he didn’t hit every point as perfectly as he’d hoped. Instead of letting that disappointment spiral, he takes a few deep breaths and reflects on what went well. Mark consciously chooses to *regulate* his emotions by focusing on the positive aspects of his performance, reminding himself that imperfection is natural. He spends the evening unwinding with a relaxing activity, allowing his emotions to settle.

Through this simple day, Mark practices the RULER approach—by recognizing, understanding, labeling, expressing, and regulating his emotions, he navigates his challenges more effectively. This not only helps him maintain emotional balance but also improves his interactions with others, making his day more productive and fulfilling.

Reflection Prompts

As we have now established Why and How to become more emotionally intelligent, I will leave you with the following prompts in hopes of putting this into practice a little bit more in our daily lives.

Recognizing

- How often do you take time to recognize your emotions throughout the day?

- What physical or mental cues help you realize when you’re feeling a certain way (e.g., tension, fatigue, restlessness)?

Understanding

- When you experience strong emotions, do you take a moment to reflect on why you feel that way?

- Can you think of a recent situation where you reacted emotionally? What underlying thoughts or concerns contributed to that emotion?

Labeling

- How often do you use vague labels like “stressed” or “fine” to describe your emotions?

- Challenge yourself: What are three specific emotions you’ve felt today? Can you find a more accurate label for each?

Expressing

- Do you feel comfortable sharing your emotions with others, whether in personal or professional settings?

- When expressing your feelings, how do you balance honesty with tact? Are there situations where you’ve withheld or exaggerated your emotions?

Regulating

- How do you currently manage intense emotions? Do you have strategies like deep breathing, pausing before reacting, or journaling?

- Think of a time when you felt emotionally overwhelmed. What might have helped you regulate your emotions better in that moment?

I know putting these ideas into practice is the hardest part. Maybe try writing the RULER acronym on a sticky note, or even carry around a physical ruler as a quirky reminder to practice emotional intelligence throughout your day. Whatever works for you, I hope you find these tips helpful. Anyway, I am grateful that you’ve made it this far in the article. Thanks for reading!

OK I’m done.

SDG

-Ryan Parmenter